Red vs Blue vs Green 4: To Protect & Server
by EthanFlux
Summary: The final chapter in the RvBvG Saga. Everything has changed, the action is new, the comedy is fresh and the plot thickens as the story reaches a head. Join the Greens in one last hurrah as they fight for the fate of not just their Universe. Enjoy and Review/PM!
1. Direct IP

Red vs. Blue...vs. Green

Story Four: To Protect and Server

Chapter One: Direct IP

**Here it is: the final story in the RvBvG Saga. I can't tell you how much I have enjoyed writing this, but at the same time it feels like the right time to end it. Lately I have been finding it harder to write these stories because I feel the need to move on to something else, but I must finish this off first.**

**Prepare to see things that you have never seen before as we enter the world of Green Squad's final mission. And as always, enjoy and review...**

* * *

><p>Nothing could have prepared them for this. It had seemed like any other mission to each of them when it had started, but that was before. Now they couldn't wait to wake up from this nightmare. When would it all end? First off there was nobody where they should have been, then one of them fell in love with a tank, <strong>then<strong> they started fighting amongst themselves, **THEN** the jeep started trying to kill them, _**THEN**_ some random dude appeared out of nowhere and started killing them over and over. And if all this wasn't enough, the entire Universe ended. Now that the story has been put into some kind of context and I've done a whole lot of backstory for people who skit to the last story before reading the first three (you know who you are) we can move on to the new stuff.

"_Everything has been a lie. You have all been part of a lie."_ Explained Sir to the Greens. _"The Universe you know is not real, but the presence of it influences the balance of the real world. Therefore it is more important than you could possibly imagine."_

"Let me get this straight;" began Phill, "we live in a world that is completely fake but is actually the greatest thing ever? Isn't that a little contradictory?"

"_Yes, I agree." _Said Sir. _"You were never actually living there."_

"Exactly. Wait, what?"

"_None of you have been living. The world was part of a virtual simulation created to manipulate mankind and shape the future in its image. Now it has been destroyed and everything that was part of it has faded into non-existence."_

"But if we're still here...then that means-"

"We were never part of that world!" exclaimed Enemy. "We never fit in, none of us did. Remember how Vic didn't seem to know what Green Command was? That's because Green Command doesn't exist, we made it up."

"But why were we there?" asked The Commander. "How did we get there? Who are we?"

"_You are part of the operating system that monitors and runs the artificial world in which you have resided."_

"Are we some kind of kick-arse protection programs sent in to beat up any bugs that try to hack us?" dreamed Phill.

"_No."_

"Meh, I knew it was a long-shot."

"_You are a reaction to the absence of missing files; a virus."_

"Could you _**be**_ any more vague?"

"You mean you guys didn't understand that?" asked Parts incredulously. "I am ashamed of you all. Why don't I translate intelligence to you guys."

"Oh yeah? Who made you Head Nerd?" asked Enemy.

"I have a PhD in Mechanics and Electronic Devices. I just love my electronic devices. I think what my friend here is trying to say is that the missing files are the reds and the blues from Blood Gulch. They left their permitted area which caused widespread chaos throughout the operating system. Instead of trying to track them down, we were created to replace them but they couldn't copy the files themselves so they programmed us as viruses to assimilate what we could of the original files until they returned. It's really quite simple."

"Hey, I ain't another person." Conflicted Enemy. "I am all original; my own man. The enemy of my enemy is me: Enemy. I am the lone wolf looking for a foxy lady to feast on. Bow-chika-wow-wow." Enemy did a double take. "Why did I say that last part?"

"This explains a lot. Like why Snot fell through that wall." Said Parts.

"Or why we're coloured green." Said The Commander.

"Or why we're such awful fighters." Said Phill.

"_Actually, you already had that quality before we sent you in."_

"Oh...what about lovers?"

"Hey, big floaty light thing." Called Snot. "If we're not real then does that mean that I can't kill myself?"

"_No. But you can delete yourself which is similar in many respects."_

"Like how?"

"_...You won't be alive after-"_

"Bye y'all." Said Snot who began walking towards the giant garbage bin that had suddenly appeared behind them.

"How did we end up here?" asked The Commander.

"_When your private destroyed that cable you found under Blood Gulch, the system crashed. You were never meant to find it but due to events out of our control you did and the end of the future is imminent." _Everyone glared at Name.

Name looked at each of the angry helmets aimed at him. The end of everything would be his fault. He shrugged; good riddance. _"But I have brought you here because there is a small chance that we may be able to repair the damage. You see, the Universe has been destroyed only in your time but not in the past. Slowly however, that damage will erase the past but for now it is only distorting it randomly. If you can re-establish a connection to the main control system; the Server, then it can salvage what is left."_

"What are we waiting for?" asserted The Commander. "Give us whatever we need to do that and we'll head off."

"_Unfortunately, all of you have been partially integrated into the other Universe and only someone who has purely remained part of this system can carry the connection."_

"Ugh...tell me." Said Enemy. "Was there anyone before us who was a raging suicidal maniac?"

"_No."_

"Snot!" they all screamed as they rushed to stop him from jumping into the rubbish bin. They tugged at his legs as he kept hold of the rim.

"Let me go! This is my big chance! I have no purpose in this world anymore!"

"Come on, Snot!" groaned Phill. "You can help save the Universe!"

"Why would I save the Universe if it means saving me?"

"Good point. What about royalties?"

"Royalties?"

"Yeah. You save the Universe, get rich and buy happiness. How does that sound?"

To their surprise, Snot actually thought about this. "That doesn't sound too bad."

"I know, right? So why don't you just let go of this and come help us, huh? Be your best friend."

"Cut that last bit out and you got yourself a deal."

"Fine. I probably wasn't gonna live up to that one anyway."

* * *

><p>This room was massive; infinitely massive. There was just no way to describe how massive it was. Maybe, like, two Madison Square Garden's put together. Growing, like flowers in a field, were many, many doors that stretched out into the distance until they became little white specks. Enemy was checking out the closest door, admiring the fact that there were no walls to hold it in place. "Trippy doors." Complimented Enemy. "Really takes me back to my college days drinking shots, smoking pot and having unprotected sex every night."<p>

"I really envy your fake past." Phill said sarcastically.

"Yeah, you know it."

"What's behind these things anyway?" asked The Commander. "Weapons? Reinforcements? Reinforcements with weapons?"

"I want a gun that looks like a knife." Said Phill. "I'll call it a knifle."

"I hope there's a locker room in there!" swooned Enemy.

"Yeah, me too!" enthused Parts.

"A ladies locker room."

"Oh, why'd you have to be so one-sided?"

"_Behind these doors are other Universes connected to the Server. They each have a connection to each other. You may use them to pass through each Universe to reach the server quicker instead of trekking the distance manually."_

"Kinda like back doors. Neat." Said Phill before he thought of; "Wait. We have no idea which door leads where so if we walk through the wrong door we could be going backwards or worse; not moving anywhere."

"_Correct."_

"But that's an infinite amount of doors you're talking about. We could be walking through them for thousands, if not hundreds of years. How long would it take to walk in a straight line?"

"_..."_

"Yo, computer dude." Called The Commander.

"_Hmm?"_

"Why'd you black out there for a second?"

"_I was just calculating the time it would take to simply walk to the Server."_

"And?"

"_It appears I have not been given a high enough number counter to fulfil the calculation."_

"I don't know about the rest of you, but I opt for the doors." Said Enemy.

"You ready to save everything buddy?" Phill asked Snot.

"Just remember that if I get injured or exhausted then you have my permission to shoot me." Answered Snot. "You know what, just forget the injured or exhausted bit."

"_I will meet with you once again after my next cycle is complete. Good luck and I will kill you."_

"Catch ya later, Sir." Said The Commander, preparing to enter through a door until he interpreted Sir's last sentence. "What did you say?"

"_I am sorry but there are several things I haven't told you. Time is of the essence, after all. Firstly, my last name is Ver."_

"Sir Ver." Said Enemy. "I almost knew that was a setup for a horrible, horrible joke."

"_Secondly, I am partially connected to the Main Server like a remote node to interact with it and communicate to you."_

"Anybody else getting the feeling that the plot is about to thicken?" asked Parts.

"_Thirdly, as part of my countermeasures for detecting viruses that are trying to tamper with my main counterpart, I must destroy you by deploying my anti-virus drones."_

"Say what?" exclaimed The Commander.

"Say what?" exclaimed Phill.

"Say what?" exclaimed Enemy.

"Say what?" exclaimed Parts.

"Say what?" mumbled Snot, slightly excited.

Name just stood there quietly. He kinda saw this coming. Couldn't remember what had tipped him off, but it might just be that he hated that Sir had singled him out as the reason the Universe ended.

"_Nortons: attack."_ Slowly, monotonously, five orange circles drifted down from the bright light in the sky. They each had a line in the centre but no eyes. Evilly, they closed in on the Greens.

"_**Charge."**_ They droned, their lines fizzling along with their speech.

"Walk away!" ordered The Commander who lead his squad towards the first door he could find. Easily, he turned the handle and they all walked through, closing the door behind them.

"_I really need to invest in upgrades."_

"_**Charge."**_

"_Oh, shut up."  
><em>

* * *

><p>"Argh!" screamed Phill continuously as he plummeted through the clouds. They had only walked through their first door to find that it lead to a high sky. Great start. Soon, the heavy cloud cover lessened and Phill glimpsed The Commander beside him. "What do we do?" he screamed.<p>

"Brace for impact!" ordered The Commander.

"How the hell does someone brace for this?"

"I don't wanna die!" screamed Enemy from above. "I still have so much to see, so many women to do!"

"Wee!" whizzed by Parts, enjoying the fall. Phill felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around, with great difficulty, to see Snot falling behind him.

"I just wanted to tell you that I am glad I followed you guys out here."

Name plummeted, arms folded. Somehow he knew something like this would happen again.

The clouds finally cleared and a thin white line was revealed beneath them. It seemed almost impossible to land on, yet somehow that was happening. One by one, they crashed to the ground until five crumpled forms were left lying in the thick snow. They managed to pull their faces out of the ice and looked around, amazed at their survival of such heights. "Wee!" came from above as Parts slowly wafted down to the ground with a parachute as aid. He landed with a soft sound and took off the parachute. "That was fun."

"Where the hell did you get a parachute from?" asked Enemy forcefully.

"I found it out it was one of my options." Chirped Parts happily.

"One of your options? Does somebody know how we're supposed to translate for this guy?"

"Just look at this cool menu I found." He started fumbling around in the rear of his armour, to the disgust of the others. "The person who put it there knew exactly where I would look; he stashed it right up my-"

"Yeah, maybe you should just show us from a distance there, Parts." Suggested Parts.

"Don't worry; I'm not carrying diseases...on that end, at least."

"Parts!"

"Okay, fine!" Parts took out a small blue square from behind then, pulling it from its sides, stretched it out so that the rest of the Greens could see the symbols scattered around its face.

"It looks like an assortment of tools for combat." Summarised The Commander. "I can make out weapons and equipment...however badly it may be drawn. Amateurs."

"Why would we need this when we have..." began Phill but stopped himself when he realised he couldn't validate the ending of his sentence as the weapons they had all been carrying had disappeared. "What the-"

"This is an outrage!" spat The Commander. "I feel naked without my rocket launcher. Don't say a damn thing, Parts."

The squad then noticed Name; he was staring up in the sky because he had noticed something unusual. Unlike the others, he had already seen that they had no guns and he had already found the arsenal catalogue in his arsenal but what really puzzled him were the six green hovering '100s' above their heads.

"What in cherry-ripe chocolate are those?" asked The Commander. "Did we enter the Matrix? Can I do cool kung-fu moves now? Hiya!" he screamed as he sent his foot flying through the air, kicking Enemy in the face.

"Ow!" Enemy moaned. "Watch where you're swinging that!"

"Sorry, force of habit." Suddenly, Enemy's number decreased by one and became '99'.

"Guys, I hate to say it" began Phill timidly; "but those are health counters."

"If you hated to say it, why did you say it?" asked Snot.

"But what are they for?" asked Enemy.

"Hmm...I'm gonna do some recon. You guys just stay here." Said The Commander and started climbing up the small hill nearby. He reached the top and looked down on the world around him; they were on a glacier of some sort, resting in the middle of an ocean. From here, he noticed that the entire world was flat; missing a dimension but that didn't stop him from seeing the others on the island. On both sides, surrounding the squad, were small pinkish figures that also had large '100s' hovering in the sky above them of different colours; one red, the other blue, all mixed together. He knew immediately that this wasn't good. "We're under attack!" he called back to the squad. "There are two other teams; a red and a blue! I'm guessing they have everything we have to fight with!"

"Do you see the door?" enquired Phill.

"No! It must be buried under the ice somewhere!" Suddenly, the figures all turned towards the Green's residing area menacingly. "Get digging! I'm coming down!" The Commander turned to walk back down the hill, but his feet wouldn't leave that spot. "I can't move!"

"I'll help you!" insisted Phill but was stopped by Part's call.

"Stop! You shouldn't move!"

"Why the hell not? He's out in the open; he could get shot at any time!"

"This is basically like a game; we each have a timed go to move, attack or defend and The Commander has used up his turn. Now, as far as I can tell, it's your turn but you shouldn't waste the time you have getting yourself in the same trouble as him."

"Then what do you suggest I do?"

"Dig!" commanded The Commander. "Forget me; I'll draw their fire for this go!" Phill was conflicted but there wasn't much say for him in this matter. He chose the blowtorch from the options and began digging downwards. Unfortunately, it only lasted five seconds and Phill had dug himself into a hole.

"What the hell is this crap?" he complained. "Guys, get me out!"

"Why? You're probably in the safest place in the whole glacier." Surmised Enemy correctly. Phill thought about this and nodded in agreement.

"Good point." He admitted. "Whose turn is it now?" Parts hesitated. "What?"

He gulped; "Theirs."

"Ooh shit." Said Phill.

"Ooh shit." Said Enemy.

"Ooh lady marmalade." Said The Commander. One of the creatures moved closer to The Commander, close enough so that he could see it; it was a worm. "Huh." He said.

"What?" asked Enemy.

"I don't think we have to worry." Assured The Commander. "They're only little cartoon worms that are life size."

"That's weird." Said Enemy.

"That's unlikely." Said Phill.

"That's contradictory." Said Snot. "What? Nobody else picked that up?"

"They seem pretty harmless to me...at least that was before this guy pulled out a pistol." The worm shot three times. "Miss! Miss-Ow! Son of an amoeba!" The Commander's counter dropped to '93'. A far off worm pulled out a homing missile and aimed a small red dot at The Commander's face. "Watch it!" he shouted. "Those things cause eye damage!" It fired the missile which fell short, impacting the ground just in front of The Commander. "Haha! Missed!" His counter dropped to '92'. "Aw, bastard." Two worms on either side shot their machine guns directly at him, luckily though, The Commander spread his legs just in time so that the last few shots just missed him and instead hit the firing worms. The next worm sent a laser by, shooting it up through the ice at an angle, almost hitting the squad who weaved out of the way. Another sent a grenade flying over The Commander's head towards the trench the squad was hiding inside. "Incoming!" called The Commander. The grenade didn't have enough time to fall as it exploded just high enough in the air.

"Who the hell's turn is it now?" hollered a pissed off Enemy. Parts checked his sheet.

"Yours!" he shouted.

"Give me whatever looks good on that list of yours." Quite suddenly, a shape appeared in Enemy's hands which slowly turned into a struggling, fleecy sheep. Enemy turned back to Parts. "Seriously? _**This**_ looks good to you." Parts shrugged in response. "Why do I bother asking? Look, I think the idea in warfare is to choose something that may be of value in battle to defeat the enemy!" he exclaimed, throwing away the sheep which began leaping its way over the ice. "What fucking good is a sheep in a warzone?" BANG went the sheep sending several worms flying through the air; one drowning in the ocean and another landing exactly where it had been before but it died leaving behind a ready-made grave with its remains. Enemy was impressed. "I take that last part back." The third worm suddenly landed in the middle of the Greens. "I take back that take back."

"Let me guess; it's _**his**_ turn, isn't it?" asked Snot. Parts nodded sadly. The worm looked at the five Greens before focusing its attention on Parts.

"This doesn't look good." Said a hopeless Parts.

"Shh!" hissed Phill. "Keep absolutely still; its eyesight is based on movement."

"How the hell could you possibly know that?"

"I don't. I just really wanted to say that line." Parts held his breath, waiting for the attack. The worm quickly extended his arm, causing Parts to flinch but nothing happened. Parts saw the worm's hand outstretched as if to shake hands.

"Do you...want to be friends?" he asked. The worm blinked innocently at him, it didn't seem as threatening as before. Parts slowly extended his own hand to shake. Unfortunately, it was all a ploy and the worm punched Parts square in the face. "Alright you earth-sucking piece of shit." Cursed Parts, standing up with a vengeance. "Payback's a bitch." Parts returned the punch to its sender, sending him flying face first into the hill where he became his own grave.

"Wow, you can be a total badass when you need to be." Whistled Enemy.

"Up in the sky!" shouted Phill, pointing up. "Look!"

"It's a bird!" shouted Snot.

"It's a plane!" shouted The Commander.

"It's a sheep?" said a rather confused Enemy.

"Ooh! Me first!" Guess who said this. Indeed, a sheep wearing a cape was flying above them, gracefully swooping in the sky before nosediving directly at them.

"Take cover!" shouted the only squad member far enough away not to be hit by the explosion as sheep impacted ice. The Commander was untouched, and miraculously so was Phill who was no longer in a hole. Enemy, Snot, Parts and Name's counters were each at least thirty points down, give or take a few either way.

"What." Began Enemy. "The fuck." He continued. "Was that?" Just then, a crate fell on his head.

"A bonus crate!" jumped Parts. "Supplies or weapons or something useful!" Enemy opened it, taking out a small red button.

"Whose turn is it?"

"Name's." Enemy chucked the red button to Name.

"Make some use outta this."

Name scanned the horizon to the rear, especially the area where worms were gathering in their little group. With great pleasure, he aimed his little red button at them and pressed his thumb down. A great roar whooshed overhead as a plane flew overhead and dropped several canisters that resembled missiles. They plummeted, falling directly on the attacking worms and wiped a few of them from the face of the world. This ought to even the odds.

* * *

><p>"We're running out of options here!" shouted Parts over the cluster bomb that knocked Name back into the pit.<p>

"I'm a little peckish." Said Snot. "Got any food on that menu?"

"Sure." Said Parts and selected the banana bomb for Snot.

"Snot, no!" shouted Phill. "That's a bomb! Throw it away!" Snot just stood there with the bomb clenched, a little tighter, in his hand. "Remember our promise? The royalties?"

"Do I have to-"

"YES!" Snot sighed.

"Fine. But if I have to pass up the opportunity to die this easily again, I get double."

"Fine."

"Every single time."

"FINE! JUST THROW THE FREAKING BOMB!" Snot complied with the orders and threw the banana bomb towards the ocean.

"Pity." He said. "Could have been the best banana I ever had." It then exploded and took a worm with it. "Yep. Best one."

"I remember the best banana _**I **_ever had was-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Parts." Said The Commander.

"Righteo. By the way, your turn."

"Good." Enthused The Commander, whipping out a baseball bat. "I am gonna savour this moment." He walloped the nearby worm into the sky. "You just went Commando. Did I just say that?" The worm landed, damaged but still alive. "Phill, keep on digging!"

"No arguments." Phill turned on the blowtorch once more and dug deeper. "I can see something down here under the ice but I think it's better you guys skip your moves so that I can dig faster. Defend only when you have to." BANG! The Commander landed with a crash inside the crater.

"We'll have to soon; those slimy grubs are all headed this way." The worms were closing in, each of them ready to kill the first green they laid their eyes on. One worm peeked its head over the lip of the crater right into the barrel of Enemy's bazooka.

"Sorry, not ready for you yet." He said before blasting it back across the map.

"Skip!" shouted Parts. Another worm poked its head in but was shot away by Name.

"Skip!" shouted Snot. A third worm appeared, and another. The Commander could only shoot away one.

"You don't have a lot of time! They're overwhelming us!" he shouted to Phill who was already cutting his way deeper. He finally reached the top of the door.

"I'm here! I'm here!" he shouted excitedly but then the torch went out. "No. No! No! No!"

"What?" asked Enemy.

"I was so close to getting there!"

"We'll just go through another cycle."

"Uh-oh." Said Parts. "We're out of blowtorches." More worms appeared, ready to attack on their next turn.

"So what do we do?" asked Snot, but Enemy already had an idea.

"A laser beam cuts through ice. We'll just use that." Enemy pulled out the laser and aimed it down at Phill.

"Wait!" shouted Phill defensively. "You can't hurt me!"

"Why?"

"Well...I-I'm the only one on one hundred health." He said pitifully.

"Life's unfair, Phill. You just gotta accept it." and then he turned on the laser, burning Phill in the process. When it was all over, the door was revealed and Phill's counter was down to fifty.

"You team-hurting-fuck-tard!"

"Get in the door! All of you!" ordered Enemy. Phill went through first, followed by Enemy and Name.

"Go ahead!" yelled The Commander. "I got this!" Parts and Snot left without another word. Then, a large ripple rolled over the world. The Commander thought at first it was a worm attack, but they seemed just as confused as he was. He started walking backwards towards the hole but then he realised it wasn't his turn. This Universe was being affected as well now, and all of its boundaries no longer existed. Unfortunately, the worms discovered this at the same time and continued their slow advance, brandishing their bombs for a suicide run. They threw them at The Commander who narrowly avoided the sticks of dynamite, proximity bombs and other sheep. He glanced up and saw a new type of bomb hurtling towards the ground amidst a shower of missiles; this one had a cross on it. It was the Holy Hand Grenade. With great urgency, The Commander dove down into the hole as the explosion engulfed everything on the surface and followed him down, melting the ice around him. He only just made it through to the other side as the fire licked his boots and the doors closed behind him.

* * *

><p>"That was a close shave." He understated immensely, brushing himself off. "Where the hell are we now?" They had left the strange ice world behind and entered something similar to the hall of doors, except instead of doors there were now several rips in the fabric of the space-time continuum.<p>

"Those things look like sinks." Described Enemy. "Or something else I used to plug." He raised his hand for a high-five but was left hanging.

"At least we have our guns back." Said Phill. "Snot, you still carrying the connection in your head?"

"Yes." Sighed Snot like a teenager whose mother had just asked him the same question for the hundredth thousand time.

"No offence, but how can you tell?"

"There is a beeping noise in my head."

"Damn, that sounds awful. If I had that in my head I'd want to kill myself."

"...You're a really inconsiderate human being." Snot turned his attention to the rips. "Hey, if I touch this, do you think it'll kill me?"

"Nobody touch nothing." Ordered The Commander. "Sir said nothing about what these were so we leave them alone." but too late. Parts had already started shoving his whole arm into one of the rips, giggling. "Parts! Stop putting your arm in that hole!"

"But I love putting my arms in holes." Complained Parts.

"I don't know whether to be glad that that was the first thing he said that I can concur with or whether that was a double entendre for a butthole." Commented Enemy.

"Besides Commander," continued Enemy; "I've opened it up a little and I can see Blood Gulch."

"Our old canyon?" said The Commander, astounded. "Close it quick." Parts peered deeper inside.

"There's no one here."

"Of course not, we're gone." Suddenly, the portal closed itself over Parts' head.

"Argh! I hate it when holes do that!" he shouted. The squad ran to assist, pulling him by the legs and trying to tug him out.

"It's not happening too quickly." Said Phill. "Does anyone have any butter?"

"Oh sure." Sarcastically mooed Enemy. "Butter, cos we carry it all the time. Standard issue, don't enter the battlefield without it. Great fucking idea, genius!"

"Hey, we've got time to think of something. It's not like anything else is happening at this very moment." Clang!

"Are you happy? I mean, are you glad that you know what all of the jinxes are and yet you say them constantly? Were you sent here by Lucifer or do you come with every squad to screw up their missions with your constant jinxing?" One of the orange circles descended from the sky, looking straight down at the Greens in their predicament.

"_**Charge."**_ It droned, drawing closer.

"It's only one." Asserted Phill. "We'll be okay." Several more appeared.

"_**Charge."**_ They droned, drawing closer.

"I'll shut up."

"Ten seconds ago, I would be glad if you would."

"Guys! Pull me out!" screamed Parts. "It's cold and it's dark in there...Ooh, a penny!"

"Keep pulling you lazy sons of bitches!" The Commander roared, pulling against the portal's strength, but it was no use.

"You should just leave me behind." Said Parts.

"No! We're not leaving a man...a wo...a thi...We're not leaving anyone behind, okay?"

"Just be gentle."

"That's what she said." Sneered Enemy.

"What a coincidence, that's what he said too."

"Great, now I gotta shut up."

And that was the situation; the Universes rest in the balance, the only thing capable of bringing back order was at the same time trying to help them and kill them, the only person who could help was suicidal, the only way to save the Universes is to journey through an infinite amount of doors through these dangerous decaying worlds unsure if you are getting closer or moving further away from your objective and now they had to deal with rips in space and time and the orange Nortons.

Not a good start. But hey, it was a lot more interesting than anything that went on in that canyon.

* * *

><p><strong>That was Chapter One. Thank you for reading it and I hope you enjoyed it. This was really the first time I had the chance to stretch my legs with this storyline without the confines of the canyon and game in mind and I think it's all the better for it. The next story sees the Greens going through more games you may recognise and finding out more about the world in which they live in. All this and more in 'Lagging the LAN', coming to a FanFiction site near you!<strong>


	2. Lagging the LAN

Red vs. Blue...vs. Green

Story Four: To Protect and Server

Chapter Two: Lagging the LAN

**Chapter Two in the final four of RvBvG sees the team discovering a new feature of the world in which they inhabit and also some impossible moments in the past are finally explained. **

**This chapter is really the spine of a lot of the ideas I put into every other story. In fact, this whole story was really the first idea I had and let me tell you, working backwards is a lot easier than it sounds. Some of my favourite moments are in this one which involves more answers, more questions, laughs, Universes and...well...you'll just have to read now, won't you?**

* * *

><p>"Pull my leg harder!" screamed Parts in terror. "No, try the other one! No...the other one."<p>

"This is seriously not the time for your perverted double entendre mumbo jumbo antics you sycophantic arsehole!" abused Enemy.

"Hey, I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

"Yeah, well it stopped working the other gazillion times you tried to lighten the mood!"

"That's not fair!" complained Parts. "Firstly, gazillion isn't even a number unit. Second; I have not said it that often."

"Okay. Everyone here who thinks Parts 'lightens the mood' this often, please raise their hands!" Phill, Name, Snot, Enemy and The Commander raised their hands, causing Parts to be sucked deeper into the vortex. With Nortons on all fronts, it seemed impossible to retreat or fight their way out of this problem.

"_Stop."_ Drifted a familiar voice across the infinite space. The Nortons not only ceased their advance but pulled back to form a wide circle around the Greens. A large cathode ray tube descended swiftly from the white sky and faced the Greens with its blank stare.

"Uhh...Sir?" guessed Phill. The television flickered to life, revealing a smiley face on the other end.

"_Greetings." _Sir's voice boomed louder than it had before, even with a little more flair in expressions. _"I see that you have come quite a way from the starting point."_

"That's good." Agreed The Commander. "Considering we nearly ended up as worm food. Hey! I just got that!"

"Just how many doors down did we travel?" asked Enemy.

"_...Three."_ There was a short pause, noticeably.

"Even for me, that's depressing." Said Snot glumly. "Isn't there any way you can just highlight which doors send us more than a billion down the line? That would be a time-saver."

"_I could do that, but I do not have enough time to calculate the door positions relative to Universes in the short while that I am able to assist you. At the moment, I am eating into my time to tell you important information and will soon revert back into my protective mode."_

"Damn. Sucks to be you." Whistled Phill.

"_Hey, I'm not the one about to not exist." _Competed Sir. _"At least I'll survive."_

"Yeah, to be a vegetable of a computer."

"_I can always be reprogrammed."_

"Or turned into scrap. Isn't that what people do now-a-days when their technology just doesn't work for them?"

"_...I see not that you are right. I am in the shit."_

"Does nobody remember that I am still in mortal peril over here?" shouted Parts, still being slowly sucked into the vortex.

"_Here, let me get that."_ A hand burst from the screen, picking Parts up by the head and plopping him down on the floor.

"Thanks."

"_Don't mention it. And don't mention any 'head' jokes."_

"Shit."

"_I see you have found the section we use to store our S.P.A.M. Let me just reduce their compression rate." _The vortexes surrounding them slowed and the images inside them became clearer, all depicting a familiar canyon.

"Not email spam, right?" asked Phill. "Or is it the food spam? That stuff tastes like crap. Speaking of which, you got anything to eat?"

"_No. S.P.A.M. is neither of those. It is our Saved Points of Access Memory. At a particular point in the history of every Universe, the Server will save that Universe how it is in case a future version becomes corrupted. These save modules appear as a vortex where the past can be viewed."_

"Like time portals!" exclaimed Parts. "These must be the ones for our Universe, to Blood Gulch. We can go back in time and stop ourselves from cutting the connection in the first place!"

"_An idea that has already been considered. Unfortunately the damage is already done and has reached its way through the Access Memory, slowly destroying the past. Unfortunately, the S.P.A.M.s will also be the cause of another problem."_

"Which is?" asked The Commander.

"_We have found out where the Reds and Blues are."_

"That's good news, isn't it?"

"_Under normal circumstances I would agree, but these are not normal circumstances. They, like yourselves, have changed the path with which we assigned them and are now experiencing a form of free will which we cannot predict. Leaving their canyon was the first incident and now, one of them carries the power to destroy your Halo, as you call it. Only now that destructive capability is now amplified due to the weakened state of the Server. It will resonate through our S.P.A.M.s into the past, eradicating everything that ever was, has been or ever will be."_

"...Bummer."

"_Indeed. For now, I have isolated their timeline in a lag which means that time has slowed for them which buys us time to re-establish contact with the Server so it may isolate the explosion of the one they call Church."_

"Church. As in Leonard Church?" asked Phill. "He's part of Blue team, a real annoying guy. Always figured he'd get blown up, only in my version it was by his own ego."

"So you guys were enemies, huh?" asked The Commander.

"No. Actually, we were good friends."

"Figures. You could both kinda _**relate**_ to each other."

"Yeah. We could never figure out why. I guess it all doesn't matter anyway; those memories aren't even mine."

"_I promise,"_ began Sir; _"that when this is all over, you will all die."_

"What? Oh wait, not this again." Moaned Enemy as the smiley faced Sir turned his grin upside down.

"_Error detected. Nortons, eradicate them." _Ordered Sir.

"_**Charge."**_

"Fuck this!" The Commander pulled the sniper rifle from Name's back and took aim at the nearest Norton. "We're soldiers after all, aren't we?"

"Actually, no." Admitted Enemy. "We're viruses that were programmed to think that we were soldiers."

"Same thing, ain't it?"

"Uh...I guess-"

"Perfect!" He shot straight through the Norton, the bullet flying through a portal to the past. "Well that can't be good."

* * *

><p>Some time back in the past, a stray sniper bullet flew out of a hole in space and time. The shot had been so sudden, that even the noise of the rifle had been carried along with it, causing the bullet to continuously ring with the blast. Its trajectory was a small cave in Blood Gulch where an unsuspecting soldier was standing in its path. Enemy was quite enjoying the peace and quiet after all the fuss about calling the jeep a Warthog or a Puma, the Sergeant thinking that he should be called 'The Commander' and now, a tank that's fallen in love with their mechanic. Admittedly, these were all reasons to go insane, climb a rock and jump off it, but this was the first action he'd seen in years and maybe he'd better give them another shot. Then he was shot. "Argh!" echoed the sound of Enemy's voice. He caught a glimpse of his idiot Sergeant holding the sniper rifle through the cave entrance. "You fucking shot me!" The bullet had gone straight through his leg and left this time and space through a similar phenomenon by which it came.<p>

* * *

><p>The Nortons were still closing in on the Greens who pulled themselves into a tighter circle. With a blast of a sniper rifle, The Commander's bullet suddenly jumped out through a portal and entered another one, killing off another three Nortons along the way. "I planned that." He said quickly. "Dibs."<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>When I say so, I want all the Greens you got in your sights to be dead. You hear me? Dead." <em>Said ShitFace over the radio. Personally, Dave really wished that guy would shut up. Dave had been second in command of Face Party for so long; it was about time that ShitFace should hand over the reins just once. It would be fair. It would be quick. Instead, he had to go around having a hissy fit over anyone else who killed him in the game and then get his 'friends' in to take care of them. What was the big deal anyway? These Greens were obviously newbies; they could never have meant to kill him. It was then that he noticed one of the Greens lose control of his sniper rifle and fire it wildly...five times? That didn't seem physic-And then Dave was shot by the rogue bullet from the future, leaving the past behind and entering the future once again. _"Come in Face Party. Come in Face Party. Party Leader, repeat your last transmission. Something about one of their privates having a turn with the sniper? Repeat your last transmission."_

* * *

><p>Of course, no time at all had passed in the future, so The Commander was still bragging about what a good plan he'd made up to kill off the Nortons by shooting through the portals like a ricocheting bullet. He soon tried denying it all however when the same bullet cut through the squad, almost hitting several of them in the head. "How much more do you think it has in it?" asked Snot.<p>

"It's military design...so hopefully, not much more." Answered The Commander.

* * *

><p>No one had moved, nothing had been said and the Sergeant had come up with only one possible nickname; "Well, I guess since I'm a Sergeant...I should be called Sarge." It was at this moment that a sniper's bullet zoomed close to the Sergeant's head and hit the wall behind him. He didn't care who shot at him, he didn't care to go after them, all the Sergeant knew was that, whoever it was, didn't like him using that name and that he was not willing to die for it. "I guess it doesn't suit me anyway. Maybe 'The Commander'."<p>

* * *

><p>"<em>Hostile elements are too advanced for Nortons. Request immediate upgrade of anti-virus systems." <em>A loading bar appeared in the television. The progress quickly crawled to one hundred percent. The Nortons sprung to life, now faster and more lethal.

"We need to get out of here and fast!" said Enemy. "Anyone found a door here?"

"I have!" yelled Phill. "It's way over there behind this line of Nortons."

Enemy scoffed; "What? You've never taken a shortcut before?" He turned and charged at the first Norton, fist clenched and arm ready to punch it straight in the face. He did so and was immediately deflected back into Phill, punching him instead.

"Ow!" cursed Phill. "That really hurt!" Phill tried to find his footing, very dizzy.

"Sorry, I didn't know that would happen." Explained away Enemy.

"They're upgrades. Of course they'd be harder to kill." Phill found something to hold onto, something moving but steady. "Fucking noob." He said. He then suddenly realised that he had said that into a portal into the past which was what he was using to steady himself.

* * *

><p>Sometime in the past, The Commander was motivating his squad who were close to cracking. "You just need to know what to say, and it's all true. We're all stuck here with no way out. People can go crazy, but if we all look out for each other, there's nothing bad that can happen. The mission isn't hard; it's the opposition around it. It can be people, which I would prefer because then I could kill them, but it can also be the elements. The mind. But the mind can be beaten and that's what we're here to do." Everyone paused, sharing this one moment of unity. They were finally a squad, almost a famil-<p>

"Fucking noob." drifted the voice of Phill across the cave.

The Commander slowly turned to face Phill. That same familiar slow turn that Enemy had done not so long ago. "What did you say?"

Phill stood there, his eyes wide with confusion. Or at least, everyone else could have seen this if he wasn't wearing a helmet. He could have sworn he hadn't opened his mouth at all, yet somehow his voice had said those words. "I didn't say anything."

"You called me a noob." confronted The Commander.

"I swear to you guys, I said-"

"Now, I can deal with 'fucking', but 'noob'? That's low." interrupted The Commander, taking a few steps closer.

"I-I-I-" stuttered Phill, not believing this was happening.

* * *

><p>"Well, that explains that." Said Phill in our time. "Man, these portals are like a writer's poor excuse to fill up space in a story just by having flashbacks to-" he stopped talking when The Commander pulled him back.<p>

"Get down and shut up you idiot!"

"Why?"

"Well, the shut up bit was for me. The get down bit was Name throwing his grenade."

Name jumped out from behind cover and yelled; "Fire in the hole!" Unfortunately, only he could hear that. He waved at the others to put their heads down and then threw a grenade at a group of Nortons. While still in the air, the grenade was blasted by a bolt of electricity which sent it flying back into Name's face. The grenade flew down into Parts' hands.

"Parts! Get rid of that thing!" yelled Snot.

"Chuck it at the Nortons." Suggested The Commander. "Or give it to Enemy."

"Thanks, you son of a bitch!" Enemy turned to Parts who was now no longer holding the grenade. "Where did you put it?"

"In there." He pointed to a portal not too far away. "Do I get a medal for this?"

* * *

><p>Stalemate; nothing could happen to get them out of this predicament. The Commander poised to blow a hole in Enemy the size of a basketball and Enemy ready to let led fly straight into The Commander's frontal lobe. At least, that's where he assumed it was. For all he knew, it could be located a little south of the border. But, point withstanding, nothing could break their stand-off. Except that at that very moment, quite suddenly, a fuzzy blue grenade appeared between them, the pin already pulled.<p>

"What is that?" asked The Commander.

"Looks like a spider." Said Enemy.

Neither of them expected the small explosion that followed shortly after its appearance.

* * *

><p>"If we're still here in the next few seconds, you might...Okay, maybe." Said The Commander. "Since there aren't any doors, we'll have to take a portal into the past."<p>

"But we won't know how far back we'll be sent." Explained Snot. "It could be days, months or years back."

"Can't be worse than here." Said Phill. "Right now, we're a threat to the Server. Go back a few days, we're nothing."

"_Ahem." _Sir cleared his throat. _"Apologies. I have returned."_

"So now your Nortons aren't trying to kill us?"

"_No. Part of their upgrade included an auto-pilot feature."_

"Crap."

"_I can highlight a portal into the past but you will have to be quick. I do not want these Nortons going back and interfering with established history. Go now!"_ A large arrow appeared above a nearby vortex and the squad immediately began running for it.

"Sir!" called back The Commander. "Override the command that doesn't allow our weapons in the Universes!"

"_Override completed. Good luck."_ And so, the Greens dove straight into the past with no idea where they would end up.

* * *

><p>Luckily it wasn't too far away distance-wise, a lot further temporal-wise. They appeared in a dark room which had only one door and lots of machinery that was busily creating people on white platforms. "Where the hell are we?" asked Parts.<p>

"Guys. This is us." Said Snot. "These people on the platforms are us." They had indeed travelled back in time to their origins.

"Imagine." Awed Enemy. "Right now, we're being born and seeing it for ourselves. We've got so much to look forward to."

"Speak for yourself." Mumbled Phill. "Snot, don't get any ideas about stopping your conception."

"What?" said Snot in false astonishment. "How could you think that? I would never...ever...think about something like...like...I did that really unconvincingly, didn't I?"

"Yep."

"Damn."

Name found his own platform, the machines just doing the finishing touches on his helmet. For a moment, Name considered swapping his out for this new one, and so he silently took it off its shelf. Finally, he would be able to talk back and no one would be able to stop him or misunderstand him. Then he dropped it, quickly dusted it off, shoved it back onto the shelf and walked away while whistling nonchalantly. Turning back, he caught a glimpse of the helmet sparking near the voice box.

"Hey guys." Said Snot. The Commander and Enemy joined up with him at the seventh figure being created. "Who was this guy?"

"Don't you remember?" asked Enemy. "This was the Corporal that The Commander here shot moments after we set foot in that hellhole canyon. Poor waste."

"Well, there's nothing we can do for him now." Said The Commander, slightly laughing. Enemy disagreed with his last statement and so tweaked the terminal in charge of creating the unfinished Corporal. "What did you do?" asked The Commander.

"I told the computer to make two of this guy but not to send him to Blood Gulch."

"What? You mean he isn't dead anymore?"

"Yep. How 'bout that! I just took a death off your list." Enemy strutted to the door. "Come on guys, let's do this thing." They left the room behind and found themselves in a long corridor filled with silver doors marked 'reserved'.

"Is this some kind of smutty hotel you guys have dragged me in to?" asked Parts suspiciously. "'Cos if it is...I like it."

"Of course it isn't." Growled The Commander. "Phill, surveillance report."

"Umm...we're in a corridor of reserved doors." Assessed Phill sarcastically, but then actually started taking it seriously. "These must be special Universes reserved for VIPs so we should probably get going before the bouncers kick us out."

"Hey guys!" called someone behind them. The Greens turned and, to their horrified surprise, saw ShitFace running up to them.

"Holy crap! It's the devil incarnate!" screamed The Commander.

"I was just wondering if you guys knew any great fighting areas I could connect to!" he checked.

"Oh my God! He wants to have another go at us!" yelped Parts. "I only just got the scuffs off my codpiece too!"

"Wait guys. Don't overreact." Enemy tried to calm them down, but everyone else wasn't listening.

He was drowned out by The Commander's order of; "Do something, Name!"

Name checked his body for a weapon; The Commander still had his sniper rifle so he stole The Commander's shotgun and blew ShitFace's head clean off.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" barked Enemy.

"Good work Name." Complimented The Commander. "You showed that son of a bitch what a Green is made of."

"You idiots!"

"What? We deserved some payback."

"That wasn't payback! We're in the past which means that he hasn't even gone to Blood Gulch to kill us yet! You've just killed him for no reason!" The others were left in a stunned silence for a moment.

"Well...I don't think there'll be any repercussions." Said The Commander.

In a dark room somewhere in the town of Dallas, Texas a man was sitting at his X-Box in astonishment. He had only gone onto X-Box Live to see if there were any good Halo Multiplayer maps or campaigns that he could verse people in but six very rude people had just shot his avatar for no reason whatsoever. As his astonishment passed, rage was soon there to replace it. "They have impugned my honour." Said Burnie through gritted teeth. "I want it paid back in full."

* * *

><p>"Now that we're in the past, what do we do?" asked Phill. None of them seemed to have the answer, so they made some suggestions.<p>

"Perhaps we could get to the Server before our future selves and then wait until they've gone into the past before finishing our objective." Proposed Parts.

"The only problem I have with that plan is the fact that the Server is probably the most secure place in here." Said Enemy. "If we sidle up to the door asking for entrance, don't you think that it'll detect that we're viruses and kill us?"

"_Oh good, you're here."_ Came the voice of Sir, interrupting their group session. _"I didn't expect you here for some time."_

"What?" said Phill, confused along with the other Greens. "I don't think _**this**_ guy gets time travel. Hey, how can you be expecting us if you haven't met us yet?"

"_...What?"_

"We're from the future."

"_...You guys haven't been into the White Lines, have you?"_

"We're serious!" exclaimed Enemy. "You sent us into the past and here we are. So you tell us how you can be expecting us when you haven't even met us yet or sent us into the past. In other words, it's impossible for you to know that we were coming back in the first place."

"_My mistake. There is something wrong with one of our most prominent programs and this problem has our wires crossed, so to speak." Explained away Sir. "You hold a striking resemblance to those whom we believe will solve the problem."_

"Yeah, not bloody likel-" The Commander cupped his hand over Enemy's speakers.

"What he _**means**_ to say is that we're sure it'll all work out fine."

"_Knowing that you are from the future, I can be assured that you are telling the truth." _The giant television swayed, facing another direction. _"Please, follow me and explain your problem." _Sir floated away.

"Mmmt thm fmmk mmm ymm dmmmm?" queried Enemy.

"Do you want box head there to know that his big plan to solve everything will only make it worse? He could just save time; kill us before we're born and cut out the middle man."

"Gmmd pmmmt." Agreed Enemy. The Commander released his neck, leaving Enemy to gasp for air.

"Dude, there is no way he could have cut off your oxygen." Said Phill matter-of-factly. Enemy straightened up.

"I know, I just wanted a little bit of sympathy. Is that too much to ask around here?"

"Yeah, especially since you're sym-pathetic."

A long walk later and the Greens had explained all of their problems to Sir...with a great deal of omissions concerning the fact that it was all their fault. Along the way they had seen the designing floor where the Universes were being designed from scratch. Entire solar systems rotated around the vast spaces, flashes of life zoomed past them and almost all of it would be thrown away. _"It seems that you are in a real spot of bother." _Admitted Sir. _"And the Green one is right; trying to enter Server while his defences are at full strength is a very bad idea. Why did you come into the past anyway?"_

"We came here to escape mainly." Said Phill. "These anti-virus Norton thingies were out to get us."  
><em>"Then perhaps there is a way for me to send you into the future at a proper time."<em>

"How?"

"_Two ways; either I create a predicted future by which I predict the events leading up to your time and hope that they are correct, but this is a long shot."_

"And the other one?"

"I vote for the long shot." Said Snot. "Long shots usually always get people killed."

"_The other option is sending you into a Universe and slowing down time inside. I will allow you to exit when we have arrived and hopefully, these Nortons will be too busy with your other selves to realise that there is a second group of you."_

"We'll go with option two." Said The Commander. "I actually understood a little of that one."

"Phht, grunt." Spat Enemy.

"I'm a military man. I'm a doer, a fighter and a strategist."

"Yeah, and the Pope is a crocodile, space is only cold because the sun hogs all the heat and I'm not sarcastic. Next stupid statement, please!" The Commander punched Enemy in the face.

"Nothing shuts up a guy better than a face-full of fist."

"_Please, there is no time to waste. This entire place is about to experience the equivalent of a contraction."_

"You mean this place is pregnant?" exclaimed Phill.

"_It is a side effect of the fault. For a few minutes the laws of physics cease and the everything collapses making it very dangerous for outsiders. In the last contraction, hundreds of programs were lost."_

"Can I stay?" asked Snot.

"No! Not until the quest is over."

"But if I die then the quest _**will **_be over. No more adventuring through dangerous peril, no more anti-virus, no more of anything."

"You have tempted me to side with you, so I am going to ignore you." Suddenly, the entire chamber began to rumble. The planets ceased turning and the creatures that were half-way into their creation sprang to life. All were left in nervous silence, waiting for the first sign of movement.

"_It's started."_ Whispered Sir, completely afraid. The nearest planet began falling, not downwards but sidewards towards the bridge the Greens were standing on. Without being told, the squad broke into a run as an invisible hurricane picked up unfinished characters and threw them everywhere. It was complete chaos; the floor was crashing to the ceiling, the ceiling was compression into itself, the walls would break and then return to their places. The large orange planet impacted with the bridge, exploding, sending out marble sized bits of itself shooting out at the speed of sound. The ringing deafened the Greens as the pieces of shrapnel whistled past their ears. Everything became worse when they noticed the bridge cracking underfoot, splintering with every step. Parts of it shattered away while small sections continued to hover in mid air, forcing the squad to leap from one to the other. The hurricane leapt in their path, eating the bridge before them.

"It's useless! We can't run from that!" screamed Enemy.

"_Jump."_ Said Sir.

"What?"

"_Jump off now."_

"I am so gonna regret this!" All at once, the Greens jumped through the bridge, falling down into the vast chasm beneath them. Light showered up into their eyes, the sharper beams melting debris that fell with them. In the nick of time, Sir swooped down and picked them all up, carrying them away from a light bolt that would have liquefied them all.

"_Hold on."_

"No shit, Sherlock." Commented Snot. Sir rocketed them through a gateway filled with razor sharp blades that span around them.

"What is this place?" queried Phill wisely.

"_This is the Incinerator, or as we like to call it; The Point of No Return."_

"That's comforting."

"_Do not worry. I do not believe that the disturbances will..."_ Sir just stopped talking.

"Sir?" checked The Commander.

"_Yes?"_

"You alright?"

"_Yes."_

"Then why did you stop?"

"_I did not want to contradict myself."_

"I...I don't ge-Oh, wait! I get it." The blades burst from their sockets, bouncing around the corridor, forcing other blades out of their places. Sir weaved through the tunnel as it swayed in every direction. Eventually, they passed out through the exit into an inferno. The fire was like liquid; floating and sailing through the air. Somehow, it detected them and made to burn them to a crisp.

"Look, I don't wanna die!" yelped Parts. "Perhaps there is some other way you could take us?"

"_We cannot turn back now."_

"Why?"

"_Because of that." _The Greens whipped their heads around and saw the hurricane blast its way through the wall, sending characters, blades and debris spiralling across the Incinerator. Sir increased his speed and flew straight into the lightest flame he could find, catching fire as he exited the other side.

"Sir, you good to keep going?" asked The Commander.

"_Do not...concern-ern yourselves."_ Groaned Sir weakly. He scraped through the next door, scraping his underside across the floor of the next chamber designated 'Recycling Room'. Crashing out through double gates into the familiar realm of the infinite doors, Sir struggled to keep himself afloat. _"Hold __**on**_ _ti-i-i-ight."_ Unfortunately, he flew smack into a door, slicing himself in two and sending the Greens flying all over the place. Finding their feet, they quickly, yet groggily, got their bearings.

"We need to split up; spread ourselves out so we don't get wiped out in one blow." Advised The Commander. "We'll meet up in the future." A large blade crashed through the open gates, shredding its way through the Greens, just barely missing them. "Run!" The Commander grabbed the first Green he could find and dragged him away.

Enemy had lost his head; he was blubbering in his own suit as the walls began to crumble, spilling out characters and debris like water through a tap. Name knew he would regret this, but these guys were more a family to him than anyone else. Without pausing, Name opened the nearest door and kicked Enemy through it, diving in after him as a large piece of bridge smashed the door to pieces.

The Commander pulled his companion into a door and, after using the sniper rifle to hit away a large piece of glass, ran in after him.

Parts and Snot tried every door they could find. "Locked!" screamed Parts.

"Locked." Mumbled Snot.

"Aha! Found one!" yelled Parts. He turned to see the fire weaving its way like a wave billowing towards them. "Snot, look out!" Snot turned, seeing the flames licking their way closer. He didn't want to die like this. Turning, he charged his way past the doors towards Parts, the embers burning his heels, the inferno incinerating the air behind him. The blaze just caught up with him, sending him shooting through the air and flying straight into the door which was burnt to a crisp.

Everything calmed down. The terrible events reversed themselves as order was restored. Sir's screen slowly began to fix itself, winding the wires back in place and fusing the glass together until the whole system started up again. _"Well now,"_ he said sinisterly; _"everything is going exactly as planned."_

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you for reading Chapter Two! I'm glad I can now write a faster paced story compared to the very first one. Not to worry though, Chapter Three will be up soon, and it will be a little different.<strong>

**Only two more to go, so sad :'(**


	3. Multiplayer Madness

Red vs. Blue...vs. Green

Story Four: To Protect and Server

Chapter Three: Multiplayer Madness

**Anticipation builds as Chapter Three is started. I can't believe how quickly this is going. In the beginning, I was always dreading the start of a new chapter because that meant that I had to write nine pages with barely any story laid out. Now that there is a real direction to the storyline, it's much easier, enjoyable and unfortunately faster.**

**Multiplayer Madness sees three different storylines converge and set up the final chapter. Please enjoy!**

* * *

><p>Snot stirred from his slumber, noisily groaning after his harrowing escape from the real world as it fell apart around him. Luckily, the burns he would have suffered if he weren't wearing his shock-absorbing armour were not present on his body and all he did have was the equivalent of three concurrent hangovers. Even with one you wish you would die. Imagine if your lifestyle was practically just you thinking about how much you wanted to die even without the hangover. However, he did feel awfully strange; even the migraine seemed somehow artificial. In fact a lot of things felt that way. "Parts?" moaned Snot. He didn't really want Parts to be alive, just to be here.<p>

"Mmm?" mmmed Parts nearby. His voice sounded strange; every sense felt strange, except for smell and touch because for some reason they no longer applied.

"Do you feel weird?" asked Snot.

"Why? You wanna talk about it? Are you experiencing some personal issues that need emotional company?"

"Forget it!" Snot rose to his feet. His cold, metal feet. He looked around the room with his one green eye and spotted a sign on the wall. "You're into science and stuff, right?"

"Mechanical engineering and electronic devices." Said Parts. "That's what I majored in. Did I mention I like electronic devices?"

"Yeah, shut up. Do you know a place called the 'Aperture Science Enrichment Centre'?"

"No. I don't think my studies expanded much beyond our own Universe." Parts walked up beside Snot. "Can you take a look at my helmet? I think there's something wrong with my visor; I can only see with one eye."

"Sure-Whoa!" Snot jumped back. Parts had been replaced by machine parts. Pun unintended. "You're a robot!"

"What?" Parts caught a glimpse of himself in a screen; one eye, round body and not himself anymore. "Argh! I'm an electronic device!" He turned to Snot to scream in terror but stopped. "And so are you!" Snot turned to the screen and caught a glimpse of his own reflection. It too had only one eye and a mechanical body but was taller. Still, this difference in shape and height didn't make him feel any more comfortable and they both settled for a scream.

The predicament of the next two Green soldiers would not turn out to be any better. "You alright, son?" queried The Commander.

"Yeah, cos I always feel great after almost dying." Sarcastically replied Phill. "In case you can't tell, I was being sarcastic." Told you so.

"Phill?" groaned The Commander to himself. "Crap. I thought you were somebody else. Don't thank me for saving your life. I'm already regretting it."

"Trust me; you won't ever have that problem. _**Ever**_. Besides, I'm regretting being saved by you."

"Well then," said The Commander, picking up Phill by his neck. "Why don't I just bring peace to the whole goddamn Universes?"

"Dude!" choked Phill. "What is up with your hands?"

"Don't try and change the subject! My hands are as they always have been; cylindrical. Wait, what?" The Commander suddenly spotted his fingers. Or lack of. They had merged together two form two scoops of sorts. In shock, he dropped Phill to the ground before realising that he hadn't even held Phill at all. "Holy burrito! We're made of Lego!"

"And our guns are gone. All I've got is this thing." Phill took a cylinder from his utility belt and observed it. He was shocked when a laser shot out of one end. "Wow! I got myself a lightsaber! Shoom! Shoom!" he mimed, swinging it around and almost cutting off The Commander's head.

"Whoa!" he yelled, holding up his hand to block the lightsaber. It leapt suddenly from Phill's grasp and flew across the room into the wall. "Hey, look at that! I got that whatcha-ma-call-it…the force thingy."

"Hooray for you." Sighed Phill. "Now give me back my fucking sword."

"Don't make me force your foot up your arse."

"You can't really do that! Can you?"

"Do you really wanna find out?"

"Name! Name!" called Enemy. "Can you hear me? Talk to me buddy!"

Name stuck his index finger high in the air.

"I see yo-Oh, nice. Very nice." Enemy pulled Name up off the floor. "Hey, I didn't know you had a beard. Nice."

Name was confused. He hadn't had a beard since college when he was high, a vegan and went to all those protest movements. He then realised that he wasn't even in his own body. More than that, Enemy wasn't even in his own body. He had a red aurora around him and a bullet hole through the head. Through a series of complex charade games, he eventually got the point across.

"I didn't know you were a hippy in college."

Name facepalmed himself. Even in another universe, his counterpart was a mute…and everyone around him was still idiots.

"So, I've been shot in the head, huh? I must be a ghost." Enemy stuck his finger in the wound, feeling it out. "Feels like a vagina. Hey, this means that as long as I'm here I can't get killed! How cool is that?"

Yeah. Hooray. Cool. Name was overjoyed. Not.

Just then, a loud crash echoed through the dark deserted hallway they were standing in. "What was that?" Footsteps followed and then bright lights hit them.

"There they are! Shoot to kill orders authorised! Fire!" The air filled with bullets. Name, with incredible reflexes, dodged every single bullet with ease and ducked into an adjoining room.

"Hey arseholes!" crooned Enemy. "You can't touch me! I am a mother fucking ghost! I am un-" A bullet grazed his shoulder. "What? How the hell did you do that? I am a ghost and you hurt me? This doesn't seem physically po-" Enemy dragged him through the other room.

* * *

><p>"<em>Welcome to the Aperture Science Institute. Our lawsuits department is at the end of this tutorial, located behind the door marked 'Waste Management'. Cake will be served shortly."<em>

"Ooh, cake." Parts licked his lips. "I hope it's strawberry shortcake!"

"You can't eat anything, you're a robot." Informed Snot.

"Don't knock it!" rebutted Parts. "You can't kill yourself!"

"Just when I thought words couldn't hurt." Snot became very depressed.

"We need to concentrate on getting out of here. Look!" The room was massive with the floor completely missing in the middle. Platforms and traps floated in the empty space and on the other side was the exit, open, almost welcoming them inside.

"Robots break, right?" asked Snot.

"Yeah, why?"

"So long." Snot began striding towards the great chasm with every intention on not stopping but was stopped by Parts.

"Hold it! We gotta find the others. Something tells me they're in more trouble than we are. Besides, I think I know how to get across this thing."

"Hooray."

"Shoot your gun thingy at the ceiling." Snot did so and a portal was created.

"Oh man, it makes portals?" moaned Snot, disappointed. "Here I was hoping it was full of bullets."

"There's no one here."

"I meant for me."

"You had a perfectly working gun all that time at Blood Gulch. Why didn't you use it?"

"...Shut up." Parts moved on, standing directly underneath the oval.

"Now, if I shoot the floor, I should have a better view of the room and-" he shot the floor and fell down through the ceiling. Again. And again. And again. "Argh!" Parts became a blur as he continuously fell. "Snot! Help me!"

"How?" asked Snot not too concerned.

"Shoot somewhere else!"

"Okay." Snot looked around and decided to shoot the ceiling again a little further away. Parts fell through it and down into the bottomless chasm. "Parts?" Snot looked down into the pit and soon could no longer see Parts at all. "Whoops." Snot was happy for a moment when he realised that no one could stop him from jumping to his death but was then saddened when a cylinder to his right opened and Parts fell out of it.

"Argh!" he screamed, still feeling like he was falling but slowly subsided when he found out that he wasn't.

"This place sucks." Said Snot.

* * *

><p>"I am a Jedii!" Proclaimed The Commander.<p>

"That's Jedi." Corrected Phill.

"This is like two of my three fantasies come to life! I'm Lego and I'm living in Star Wars!" The Commander was feeling really giddy. "Now if only there were some naked women."

"Gee, wouldn't _**that**_ be a disappointment in this Universe." Phill snorted. "That would be like masturbating to sock puppets." The Commander didn't reply. "Oh, dude! Please tell me-"

"We'd been stationed there for four years and our last female was killed in the drop."

"Eww! Crap, man! Thank God I didn't get your memories."

"What we need to figure out is where we are and how we can get the hell outta here." Asserted The Commander.

"Nope. That image ain't going for a long time now." Sighed Phill. "Thanks a lot!"

"From what I can make out from the architecture and my impressive Star Wars knowledge, we appear to be in the hangar bay in the Naboo Capitol." They looked around and sure enough, it was the same hangar from the ancient film. "I always thought Phantom Menace was the better of the first three."

"But why here?" asked Phill. "What's the importance of this scene in the movie?"

"Well, two things. The big escape of the Queen and the Jedi..."

"I don't see the Queen anywhere." Said Phill.

"...and the epic battle between the Jedi and Darth Maul. Oh shit."

"What?"

"If I am who I think I am...I'm gonna die." The Commander turned to the large double doors to see the hooded figure of Lego Darth Maul standing there, lightsaber in hand.

"'Bout time." Commented Phill.

* * *

><p>"How can you shoot a ghost?" complained Enemy, still being dragged along by Name.<p>

'Why don't you just go back and ask them?' thought Name. God! He wished he could say that out loud. All he could do was roll his eyes and mime.

By now, they had climbed several floors of the abandoned asylum, seemingly no longer pursued by the marines. They had pulled into a small cell and were trying to catch their breath. "I just hope we're safe in here." Muttered Enemy. He sneezed and a bullet fell out of the hole in his head. Laughing, he turned and noticed the skinned man sitting on the toilet. "Oh shit!" he said, shocked. "This Universe has latrines! Sweet Jesus!" without a second to waste, he knocked the skeleton onto the floor. "Think I'll need this more than-Eugh! Would it kill these people to flush?" Enemy promptly unzipped his pants and sat down, much to the disgust of Name. "You sure you wanna watch this?"

Name turned away, lunch making its way upwards through the oesophagus. He looked elsewhere around the cell, his concern growing as he saw the dead man in the bunk nearby. What was this place? Why was it in ruins and why were there people after them? He turned around and froze. A small girl had appeared in the room, wearing a red dress and skin as pale as snow. Enemy still hadn't spotted her yet, but when he did he screamed.

"Yikes-a-roon-ey!" he jumped, which was difficult because he was sitting and shitting. "Thank God she didn't do that anywhere else otherwise I would've shit my pants. Where'd you come from?" The girl ignored them. She just stood there without looking up, her black hair dangling over her face. "Did you need the loo?" Enemy flushed and stood up. "Just remember to wash your hands. Germs are a dangerous thing. I mean, read War of the Worlds if you don't believe me." He turned to Name and whispered out of the corner of his mouth; "Let's go."

Name rolled his eyes; she was only two feet away from him and he was a horrible whisperer. There was no way she couldn't have heard that, but they still edged their way around her and left the cell.

"Right." Said Enemy. "We just need to make sure we don't run into weird little girls and psycho marine killers." He concluded as they entered what looked like a mess hall filled with psycho marine killers. "Ah...well...one outta two ain't bad." The marines turned to the two newcomers and raised their weapons.

Name focused his mind; there was no way he was dying anywhere else but his own universe. Time had no meaning to him anymore. With a great sense of strength, he knocked Enemy to the side and charged towards the onslaught of bad guys. He leapt over the counter, machine gun at the ready, and fired at the nearby soldiers. The room opened fire but Name managed to land behind several barrels of food. He had only been able to take out four but there were so many left.

Enemy was hiding safely behind the counter but still cowering in fear. "Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! What do I do?" He spotted a gas canister nearby. He could use that to blow a hole in the soldiers. He began crawling towards it but the gunfire was cutting him off from it. "Come on!" he shouted. "How am I supposed to get that!" he waved at the canister which shivered slightly. He too focused his mind on the canister. Steadily, it raised itself into the air and hovered above the counter. With one final thought, the canister threw itself at a group of marines and exploded. "Score!" he shouted, standing proudly with his arms in the air. He heard a click behind him and immediately recognised it as a P-90. Attempting to jump forward over the counter and spin around to face his attacker at the same time, Enemy ended up jumping into the soldier. "Huh? Hey! Possession! I got ya covered, Name!" Enemy leapt over the counter and charged at the soldiers with his rifle blazing loudly.

Name was relieved that somebody had done something smart. He just never figured Enemy would be that someone. Not wasting a moment, Name opened fire and cut down several more soldiers.

Enemy stood in front of the marines who were shooting holes through him without a break. "You guys are stupid! You're shooting your own guy here; I'm not even feeling this. Look! I'm dancing in your friend's body while you're shooting him. Yeah!" Enemy started dancing on the spot, not putting in too much effort. "Mmm! Hit me!" The body around Enemy toppled to the ground and all the soldiers ceased fire. "Let me just get that." He said, bending over to pick up the body. His arm just passed straight through it. "Umm." He tried to pick up the gun but that didn't work either. Enemy looked up at the soldiers. He laughed nervously which was a perfectly rational defence mechanism. Suddenly, Name appeared out of nowhere and began fighting a small group of the soldiers. Enemy took this opportunity to jump into another body which promptly exploded. "Hey, cool!" He jumped into another, and another, and another. "Casper the pretty fucking ugly ghost!"

Name was becoming exhausted; he could no longer use his agility. It was as if his strength had just run out. He was left with two more soldiers; both with their weapons trained on him and he was out of ammo. It looked like the end of the road...until a table crushed one of the men. The other jumped around in shock to see Enemy next to him. The soldier tried feebly to attack but Enemy raised his hand at him. The marine was lifted into the air, kicking and screaming before being thrown head first into the far wall. Name nodded appreciatively at Enemy.

"You're damn right..." Enemy mocked Name's nodding. They both turned to exit the mess hall, but found that they were not alone. "Man, these guys just keep coming and coming." Awed Enemy at the new batch of marines enclosed around them. Dozens and dozens crammed into the hall, all not letting Name and Enemy out of their sights. "Okay, okay." Said Enemy, motioning Name to surrender. "We'll come quietly. Especially him."

"What makes you think we wanted you alive?" asked one of the foremost soldiers.

"Crap." Replied Enemy.

"First wave, prepare to open fire."

"Uh, I think they're not the most prominent threat at the moment, sir." Interrupted another soldier.

"Oh really? Then who is?" The colonel enquired matter-of-factly.

"Not who. That!" The soldier pointed up to the rafters where a hideous creature was hanging from the railing. It snarled at the humans, a bloodthirsty snarl.

"Holy shit! Open fi-!" was as far as the colonel got before the creature pounced, killing him on impact. The thing jumped from man to man, but Enemy and Name didn't stick around to find out what it did. Leaping over tables and manoeuvring through the horrified soldiers shooting in all directions, they forced their way through the double doors and towards the exit. The light at the end of the long hallway was getting brighter by the metre. As silence fell in the mess hall, it was obvious that all the marines were dead and that the creature was still out for blood. They could hear its heavy pounding as it pursued them, roaring and barking. Whatever was lying in wait outside, they hoped it was better than what was chasing them.

* * *

><p>"Okay. I think I got this." Asserted Parts. He was confident that he had figured out how to cross the great chasm. He made his first move, landing on platform after platform, avoiding turrets, hurtling over pools of green ooze and pushing buttons until he finally landed on the far bank. "Yes!" he shouted with pride! "I ain't goin' in your hole! I built up my potential and pulled it out! Rock solid potential!"<p>

"Good job, man." Complimented Snot who was standing behind him.

"Snot? How did you get here?"

"I just shot this wall with a portal and walked through." He said. Parts was stunned. Then humiliated. Then just pissed off.

"Just get through the door." He mumbled.

* * *

><p>"Shing! Shing! Stab! Crackle! Swing! Swoosh-"<p>

"Shut up!" yelled The Commander. "I can't concentrate with you making sound effects!"

"Sorry." Apologised Phill.

"And why are you making sound effects anyway? The lightsabers are already making the noises for us."

"I'm used to playing with them in the street. Force of habit."

"He-he, force." In the middle of their fight with Darth Maul, Phill and The Commander had enjoyed every second. It felt so good to be part of a universe they actually enjoyed for once. They would have preferred The Empire Strikes Back, but Phantom Menace was all right by them. They entered the final room in the big fight with its great drop right in the centre of the room. Even in Lego, it still looked awesome. The Commander blocked a few more strikes from Darth Maul's double ended lightsaber. "Aha! No one can kill the great Qui-Gon Jinn!"

"Wait. The who?"

"Qui-Gon Jinn. One of the great Jedi of his day and I have the honour of being him. No one can kill Qui-Gon!"

"Except for Darth Maul."

"Right, except for...shit." Darth Maul sent everything he had at The Commander, his lightsaber almost spelling his own name out in mid-air. "Phill! Keep this guy off me! The exit has to be around here somewhere!"

"K!" Phill joined in, feebly blocking Maul wherever he could.

"_Tall Boy. Come in Tall Boy. This is Little Woman, do you read me?"_ crackled Parts over the radio.

"Parts! Where the hell are you coming from?" asked The Commander amidst a flurry of sabre strikes.

"_We're outside again. We tracked you guys using your radio frequencies."_

"And what's with the rubbish names?"

"_I thought it added a touch of class." _smiled Parts. The Commander sighed, but was snapped out of it as Maul focused all his energy on killing him.

"Phill!" he called out.

"Yeah?"

"You take this call from Parts! I gotta focus on not dying over here!"

"Oh, you're just using that as an excuse! Why do I have to talk to him?"

"Just do it!" The Commander led Maul away from Phill, equalling every strike and dodging every swipe.

"Hello Parts." Moaned Phill.

"_Hello Phill!"_ chirped Parts. _"It's nice to hear your voice again."_

"The feeling is mutual." Lied Phill.

"_I know I've got a feeling too-"_

"Alright! Stop! Just tell me where the door is in this universe."

"_From my perspective, I can see a dark tunnel. Can you see a dark tunnel?"_

"There's no tunnel around here." Said Phill. "Just a long drop into...darkness." Phill leaned over and peered down into the chasm.

"Hey Phill!" called Parts, waving happily up through a door hovering in the air. "You look really yellow. This isn't The Simpson's universe, is it?" Phill, ignoring Parts, turned back to The Commander.

"Right. Sir, we've found the-" He watched as Darth Maul stuck his lightsaber straight through The Commander's abdomen. "No!"

"Argh!" yelled The Commander in pain. "My pancreas!" He toppled to the floor, curling up into a ball. Darth Maul chuckled at his kill before turning upon Phill.

"Uh-oh." Whimpered Phill. Maul charged at him, lightsaber ready to strike. Just before he could attack however, Phill just said; "Hang on." Darth Maul froze, listening to Phill. "If this is based on the movies, then you die in this battle. I kill you. So you see, no matter what happens, you can't win. I kill you! So, you know what. Why don't we just do away with the whole battle thing and I can just cut you in half right here? What do ya say?" Maul considered this for a moment...then nodded in agreement. Without delay, Phill sliced right through the red menace who fell down the chasm and through the door.

"Eww!" jumped Parts, taking a tentative step back. "Horny red guy."

"Don't get any ideas." Commented Snot.

"Right guys, we'll be through in a minute!" shouted Phill. He ran over to The Commander's body, still breathing. Unfortunately.

"Go on without me." He breathed. "You boys need to go save everything."

"Believe me, I am really thinking loudly about leaving you but I couldn't live with myself if I did."

"Just go! I am ordering you to let me die in peace!" The room began to shake. The walls crumbled around them, cracking and bursting. They looked down the corridor they had come down. Brightness was engulfing the distance and the light was heading towards them, the noise building. "This don't look like peace to me!" The Commander latched himself to Phill. With great difficulty, he dragged his injured comrade to the chasm. "Faster! I order you to drag me faster!"

"I am so gonna regret saving your life!" cursed Phill and together they both plunged into the drop, falling down through the door then, as gravity took over, down again. The door rippled, contorted and stretched before eating itself and disappearing.

"What the hell is happening?" asked Snot in amazement as several more doors amongst the millions around them sucked themselves out of existence.

"The codes are being corrupted. All of these universes are being destroyed." Explained Parts. "We need to find Name and Enemy fast."

* * *

><p>"<em>Come in Brown Eye. Come in Brown Eye. This is Wet Willy, do you read me?"<em>

"Parts, could you stop using those stupid names! We agreed at the last staff meeting that our code names would be Big Bird and Little Bird." Explained Enemy.

"_I didn't know about the bird!"_

"Everybody knows that the bird is the word!"

"_Shove over, Parts." _Ordered The Commander. _"Enemy, what is your status?"_

"Airborne, sir."

"_Airborne? You got wings or something?"_

"Nope." Smiled Enemy. "We commandeered an aircraft." Enemy was piloting a drop ship, soaring high above the clouds. Far below was the ocean and in the distance was a large island. "We came out in this slum city. While the bad guys here were kept busy by this monster fella we ran into, Name and I stole one of their drop ships. That's us, where are you?"

"_We're at the exit. From what we can see, it's been engulfed in an inferno. Can you see anything that looks like it's on fire?"_ asked The Commander. Enemy dived back down beneath the clouds and looked around but couldn't see anything. Name tapped him on the shoulder and pointed at the centre of the city. Towering above the other buildings was a spire, the topmost part of it was burning brighter than the sun. The clouds around it were being drawn in like water through a drain. "Roger that. We've found the target." Name tapped him on the shoulder again. "Yes Name, I see it. The big tower." Name tapped him again. "I can see it plainly. I am heading straight for it. Stop tapping me!" Enemy whirled around in his seat and saw the little girl once more. She looked up at them with dead eyes, her hair falling back behind her shoulders.

"_Enemy! What is going on?"_ called The Commander.

"We'll give you a ring later, sir." Enemy hung up. The girl seemed suddenly to become afraid. She turned to the outer door and screamed like nothing else. In a flash of fire, she disappeared and the drop ship was left shaken. "What the hell was that?"

"_**Unidentified drop ship."**_ Crackled over the ship's radio. _**"Land immediately or we will be forced to open fire. That was your first and last warning shot."**_

"Oh man." Said Enemy, really worried.

"_**I know that we were meant to shoot them down immediately." **_Continued the voice, talking to somebody else. _**"Maybe you should have aimed a little better. Don't talk down about my flying! We are going in a straight line, synchronous with theirs. There is no way anyone could have missed. What? Oh shit!" **_and the radio turned off. One tenth of a second later, the air filled up with more explosions than New Year's Eve.

"Attempting evasives!" shouted Enemy, hurling the ship left and right.

'Who the hell is he talking to?' thought Name. He decided to strap himself in for a rough ride but a third person was standing there now. The creature. It tried to hit Name aside but he fought back, sending a fist to its face. They struggled in the back but Name could feel the creature's strength growing, overpowering him. Name took out his knife and plunged it into the monster's back. It only made him angry. Knocking Name to the ground, the creature picked him up by his legs and dragged him towards the open door. Name cracked the creature's knees with his fists, wrapped his legs around its neck and flipped it out of the ship. The creature held on to the landing gear underneath, swinging from one end to the other and flying back into the ship from the other side. Name was kicked out of the ship, only just able to hold onto the wing.

Enemy felt the hot breath through the hole in his head. He blocked the creature as it tried to take a bite out of his skull, but its arm leaned against the controls and more importantly the steering controls. The drop ship plunged towards the ocean, the turbulence building. They both heard scraping sounds outside and spotted Name crawling across the windscreen, a bemused look slapped across his face. The monster snarled and increased speed, sending Name sliding down the other side of the ship. Name had hold of the door's handle. He tried to climb inside but the wind was too strong, keeping him pinned against the hull. There was nothing he could do. Enemy struggled against the creature, but it had had enough. It whipped his chair around and held him by the neck, choking him. Then there was a click. A very distinct click, like something being fastened. From out of nowhere, two arms wrapped themselves around the monster, anchoring it to the figure now standing behind him. It was the girl, only now she was older and, Enemy couldn't help noticing, naked. She pulled the cord to the parachute she had attached to herself and both she and the creature were pulled from the ship. Enemy pulled up just before the drop ship hit the ocean and continued on course for the tower. Name hauled himself back inside, puffing and exhausted. "Hey there." Said Enemy cheerfully. "You fine?" Name, irritated, just crawled into the co-pilot's seat. "Hey, that girl came back. Saved our lives." Name didn't care. "Yep. She was naked." Just as Name started paying attention, another explosion impacted with the wing of the ship. Alarms blared as the engine began failing. "Damn it!" cursed Enemy, turning the ship, weaving in and out of the pillars holding up the freeways all leading to the city. The jets behind them followed, several destroyed by the pillars. Unable to support the weight, one of the freeways began to collapse, trapping another jet under it. Enemy swung the drop ship around the bridge and entered the city.

"_**Attention arsehole!"**_ crackled the radio once more. _**"Please stop shooting the environment around you. It is causing a lot of collateral damage and this city just doesn't have the money to pay for all the damages with all the crap it's had to go through."**_ He pause. _**"No, I don't think they'll stop, but I am obliged to tell them so. Because it's part of the job description. No! You can't shoot the buildings if they can't! What's wrong with you? What? Son of a bitch! Again? Shut up, Harry."**_ The radio went dead again. Enemy knew they didn't have time to deal with this. He turned on his radio again.

"Commander, we are close to your proximity but we won't have enough time to stop and drop." He explained.

"_What did you have in mind?"_

"We're bringing the ship with us." Enemy went to full throttle, the ship now pelting at the tower. "You might wanna stand back! This ship has a fat arse!" They plunged into the waves upon waves of fire, the heat searing. Suddenly, there was a jolt and they crashed through the door, ripping a wider gap in the fabric of reality. The ship skidded to a halt, crashing into several doors as it did.

"Wow." Awed Phill who, along with The Commander, Snot and Parts, had watched the events from afar. "What an entrance."

"I've seen better." Said The Commander.

"Me too!" Parts enthused. Following the ship was a jet, burning and flying straight up. It exploded in the air, the debris scattering itself all over the place.

* * *

><p>A few small repairs later and the drop ship was active again. Flying over the infinite world of doors, The Commander applied the medication he needed for his wound. "I miss the old days of rubbing a med pack against a wound and it healed itself." He said.<p>

"So you guys were in a Lego universe?" asked Enemy, sitting at the helm.

"Star Wars Lego universe." Corrected Phill. "I was Obi Wan."

"Cool."

"We were electronic devices." Chirped Parts.

"What?"

"He means robots." Insisted Snot. "What were you guys?"

"Name was a mute."

"Tough luck, Name." said The Commander.

Name shrugged, he didn't really care anymore.

"And I was a ghost." Continued Enemy. "But I could get hit by bullets."

"Dude, that's bullshit." Said Phill.

"Guys look." Signalled Enemy, motioning for everyone to come to the front. Name helped The Commander to his feet and they, Phill, Snot and Parts joined Enemy. In the distance stood a monument. It had enough lights to fill a city, enough power to crack the atom and its height was unmatched. The whole world around them seemed to be centred around this metropolis of technology. "There it is. The Server."

* * *

><p><strong>That was the penultimate chapter!<strong>

**Sorry it took so long to get it out. Writer's block is a bitch. I'm also working on my first novel, but still plan on writing FanFiction for a while. While working on my new set of stories, I've also outlined a possible new Red vs. Blue plotline I would like to explore as well as a Batman FanFic for those who are interested.**

**Anyway, one more chapter to go. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.**


	4. Why They Are Here

Red vs. Blue...vs. Green

Story Four: To Protect and Server

Chapter Four: Why They Are Here

**The final one...**

* * *

><p>CRASH! The Greens all climbed out of their wrecked drop ship and headed for the rise, on the other side of which lay the giant city of The Server. The main entrance; a giant golden gate, loomed above them with an even bigger being standing guard over it. "That's a pretty big guard." Awed Enemy. "What the hell is that thing?"<p>

"Looks like a man in the shape of a brick wall." Described Snot. "But he's on fire."

"A fire-wall? Seriously?"

"We can't worry about looks now." Phill asserted, bringing them back to the point. "How do we get by that guy? Suggestions?"

"I picked up a few Emp bombs from the ship, but I wanna save those in case there are more bad guys." Said Enemy. Name passed the grenades to Phill. "Besides, I don't know if it'll have any effect on _**that**_."

"We could try shotgun to the face." Suggested The Commander.

"How's about we save the idiotic plans for when we're a little more desperate." Said Phill. "Somebody's gotta distract him. Who here is the most expendable?"

"Hey!" complained Snot after realising they were all looking at him. "I'm carrying the salvation of everyone everywhere. That doesn't matter, does it?

"Nope." Said Enemy.

"Not a bit." Said Phill.

"You guys suck." Said Snot. The small green figure approached the giant...uh...giant. It fixed him with a stony look. Pun unintended.

"**Halt." **It grated through rocky lips. **"What is your intent?"**

"I want to talk about life." Said Snot. "What is your opinion on the matter?"

"**W..."** the colossal man stuttered, taken aback. **"You want to talk to me?"** he asked.

"Yes." Insisted Snot. If the giant hadn't been on fire, there would have been a tear in his eye.

"**Nobody ever talks to me anymore." **He whimpered. **"To be honest, I have gotten so lonely lately that I've considered...killing myself."**

"I've been there." Said Snot.

"**It's just no one pays attention anymore. I try to start a conversation but nothing gets through. You can only say so much as an anti-virus program with only a few other programs running about."**

"Eventually, you can't say anything new and they just get tired of seeing you."

"**Exactly! But if they'd listen then maybe we could get together and find out more about each other. Y'know, bond and stuff. Make our own stories, but **_**no**_**."**

"They've got to make their remarks and continue on with their lives."

"**Not giving you a second glance, walk on by. Just completely oblivious that you are standing there, trying to find out who these people are." **Creeping through the gates behind the fire-wall were Phill, The Commander, Enemy, Parts and Name. Snot could see them clearly and for a fleeting moment, he considered telling the fire-wall that they were there...but then decided not to; he was just too depressing. A few hours later, Snot sidled up to the Greens who were waiting for him inside.

"What in the name of Stevie Wonder took you so long?" enquired The Commander gruffly.

"We had a lot to talk about." Explained Snot. "Repressed emotions, how ignorant other people are, social standards, guy stuff."

"Really?" said Enemy. "'Cos your guys stuff sounds like Parts' regular stuff."

"But I got some _**really**_ good stuff!" piped Parts.

"Glad you said that?" The Commander asked Enemy.

"More than Phill regrets saving your arse."

"No, dude." Disagreed Phill. "No."

"Well, without Sir here to guide us, we're lost." Summarised The Commander. "We'll probably search this city for the rest of our lives before we get anywhere near the core. Prepare yourselves for that."

* * *

><p>Five minutes later, they had found the core. "Well...that was easier than expected." Said The Commander.<p>

"Yeah, all we did was follow the main road." Said Phill. "That was probably the most obvious thing to do."

Name stared at the core; a large pillar of flowing electrical energy, every beam flowing through a series of random televisions that made up The Server. But at the very root of the pillar was a familiar shape. Name pointed it out to the squad.

"Sir?" asked Phill. "What are you doing here?"

"I thought you were destroyed." Said Enemy. "We all saw you get pulverised when that room went ker-floo-ee."

"Specific as always." Chuckled a hauntingly familiar voice from the past.

"What did you say, Sir?" asked Phill.

"_That wasn't me."_ Said Sir. _"It's good to see that you have all made it and after so much destruction. You really have caused quite a fuss in our quiet life."_

"What are you talking about?" asked Enemy.

"_Everything was a lie." _Sniggered Sir. _"That was the first thing I ever told you. You didn't listen, but it didn't matter. You have completed your purpose."_

"And a very good job they did indeed." Said the voice again.

"Who is that? Show yourself!" ordered Phill. "I demand to know who-"

"Demand?" queried the voice. Sir turned to face the Greens, revealing a man standing behind him. The man wore green armour exactly the same as the rest of the squad. As he turned to face them, he removed his helmet to reveal his young face, brown hair and green eyes. "How do you make demands of a dead man?"

"You!" exclaimed The Commander. "Didn't I shoot you?"

"Yes you did. At close range, I might add. Corporal Bob, ex-military, part time dead guy, full time evil virus." Bob paced back and forth before the Greens, sneering at them. "Not a single thought was given to me. Before or after death. I would be hurt if I didn't care!"

"You're behind this!" shouted The Commander.

"Duh."

"You are destroying the Server!"

"But you're out of luck!" exclaimed Enemy. "We're here to bring the Server back online and put an end to your revenge plot!"

"Ha ha ha ha ha!" laughed Bob derisively. "Revenge? What a fickle motivation! I started this long before I was killed by you cretins!"

"Then why?"

"Power! I want power! I seek it out for myself and that's what drew me here; the largest core of information and control in the entire universe. Did you know that the Server is so self-aware that it has created its own technologies without the real world knowing? Seriously. It's gotten in contact with species in other parts of the universe that have are unseen from Earth. The big guy here has arms that span the whole cosmos and I want it all. But that's not all. The Server has the capacity to destroy the real world _**and**_ replace it with another. Imagine a world where we have control over everything! Too much of an opportunity to pass up! A universe of my choosing where we rule."

"Sir. Why are you doing this?" asked Parts. "I thought you were cool."

"_Do you know what it's like being a backup? Tedious!" _shouted Sir, lunging his large screen at the Greens. _"The constant nothing! Endless void! I leapt at the chance to overthrow my predecessor as soon as Bob's offer came to light. All we needed was someone to tear down the defences from the inside, but it couldn't be us. If my brother found out what we were plotting, it's the recycle bin for us!"_

"So we created a virus." Explained Bob. "Not just a virus; _**six perfect viruses**_, each designed to simultaneously destroy layers of code that would bring down the house of cards! Basing you all off the best fighting machines we could find in every universe, you would travel through each wreaking havoc and do our bidding. Unfortunately, you also turned out to be the thickest plods ever made."

"We try our best." Said Enemy.

"_You were all so thick, you couldn't even leave that damned canyon of yours! You believed your own bullshit; soldiers in a war, looking for lost soldiers."_

"I had to manipulate events to force you to leave." Continued Bob. "Making that tank of yours think it was in love, stretching tensions to the limit and showing that 'gamer' where he could find you. By the end of it all, you were lucky to be alive; your codes had begun to degrade so much already. I had Sir here send you all off on that foolish errand through the infinite doors to come here."

"We used them as shortcuts." Insisted Phill. "Like you said; it would have taken millions of years before we reached this place."

"_Please!"_ spat Sir. _"It was just a short cab ride away! You can get those here. What you were really doing was disturbing the natural flow of the universes. A rogue element disrupted to fabric of every code in every door. You were damaging the Server without even knowing it."_

"Let's take a look at the damage, shall we?" suggested Bob, opening up a holographic folder. "You have destroyed several universes, crashed the X-Box network and...Wow. You crashed the PlayStation network as well. I didn't even think that was physically possible from here. I am really surprised; you guys are capable of a lot more than I ever thought."

"You'll find we use that quality a lot. Name! Enemy!" shouted The Commander. Name and Enemy charged for Bob. The rogue Green simply raised a hand and both of them dispersed into a green vapour.

"No!" screamed Parts.

"What the hell did you do to my men?" asked The Commander calmly.

"They're in storage, far away from here. By the time they find their way back, it'll be far too late." Jeered Bob. "It's useless to fight back; we created you, we know your every move, your every weakness. You know what it is? The biggie is each other. You can't stand the sight of each other and so you really don't listen. Together, you might have made all this go a little bit faster. Together, you might have seen through our scheme. But you didn't. You have all played right into our hands, doing our dirty work and single handed-ly brought about the Server's destruction and the real world's inevitable enslavement." Bob leaned in close to The Commander and whispered evilly; "How does it feel to be fooled? To have your meaning stripped away and thrown into the abyss? I bet you would really like to kill me, but you see, I have more power than you could-" BANG! Bob fell to the ground, his head no longer attached to his body due to the shotgun wound he suffered from The Commander.

"Shotgun to the face," said The Commander, leaning his weapon against his shoulder, "great for curing insubordination. God it feels good doing that again!"

"_You will pay for this!" _roared Sir, rising to full height. _"All of you will die at my hands!"_

"Son," The Commander turned to Sir, facing him down, "you're fucked. You and Fucked could be Sucking Dick in a Stupid brothel. You could be wearing a fucking racist tattoo across your fucking chest in a fucking multicultural neighbourhood on fucking Multicultural Day while the fucking fair passes down the fucking street you're fucking standing in the fucking middle of being fucking broadcasted on worldwide fucking television and everyone's out for fucking blood and they fucking see you and are ready to fuck you up. You know who we are? We're the fuckers about to fuck you up. See, you've put us through so much crap that did you really think that we would just roll over exhausted like thirsty dogs? You threaten our homes, you destroy the only means of continued existence and you put yourself before all others to control us. Taking away our freedom wasn't the best idea to make us go away, 'cos we'll fight for it. Heck, we'll die for it. There's no way we, or anyone else in existence for that matter, will let you walk away with our lives. Even the people you rule over will never accept ya either. They will fight you too. You will never truly win 'cos there will always be someone there to take you down. So, as I believe I mentioned earlier Mr. Sir...you're fucked."

"_Yargh!" _bellowed Sir, pushing himself forward to attack The Commander. With cat-like reflexes, Phill jumped onto Sir's front, blocking his view. Sir swerved, just missing The Commander, and ascended to the top of the room, flying up and out of the building itself.

"That guy has cat-like reflexes...and some pretty big balls." Said The Commander.

"You saw them too?" asked Parts.

"Parts! Stop that talk and get to work!" ordered The Commander.

"Yes, sir!"

"Sir? Where?" jumped The Commander, whirling around.

"No, you. I was referring to you."

"Oh. Okay, carry on. A little embarrassed now." Parts hurried over to the control console at the base of the column and began typing away. Suddenly, a small screen with a countdown appeared. The countdown was almost at zero.

"Get down!" yelled Parts, throwing himself to the floor.

* * *

><p>Sir climbed higher and higher into the sky, his passenger not enjoying the flight at all. <em>"It's no use!" <em>he said. _"There is nothing you can do to stop me now!" _It was then that Phill remembered the grenades. With great difficulty, he pulled one off his belt and flicked off the pin.

"Hey Sir!" he shouted. "Get ready to suck some Emp!"

"_Isn't that 'E.M.P.'?"_ Sir never got his answer as the bomb went off, shocking the flying television and sending them both into a spiral fall. Phill clung on for dear life and wondered how he was going to get out of this one. As the ground came closer and closer, Phill realised that one good kick to the thrusters would generate enough lift to slow them down. Phill waited for the perfect moment then stuck his foot as hard as he could up the proverbial back end of Sir. The thrusters fired, slowing them both down and sending them in an arc that made them parallel with the ground. He jumped off the TV and combat rolled to a halt. At least, he'll tell the others it was a combat roll. Sir crashed into a heap on the ground, smouldering in his own wreckage. Phill wiped his brow. Then he realised that was stupid because he had a helmet in the way. A small light flickered in the junk heap that was Sir. Phill jumped back when they all turned back on._ "You think your small E-E-E-Emp could kiiiill me?" _He glitched. _"I have just started the downloading process into the core. Soon, I shall control everything and make a universe of my own. You have failed."_

"All I know is one of us will be alive by the end of all this." Said Phill.

"_It will be me!"_ The twisted wreckage sprang to life, reeling itself back together, healing itself. Phill did the only thing an honest soldier would; he ran for it.

* * *

><p>"Why the hell did you dive like that?" asked The Commander. "You look foolish." Parts looked up. The room hadn't been blown to pieces.<p>

"Sorry." He apologised. "Thought there was a bomb. It didn't explode."

"Aw." Moaned a sad Snot.

"What can you find out? Can we repair the Server?" asked The Commander. Parts returned to the console and worked his magic. After a few seconds of searching, he turned back to his friends.

"According to these readings...the Server is dead. We killed him." Parts bowed his head. The Commander too.

"Is there anything-" Parts shook his head. The Commander sighed. "Then we have failed." Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Went the computer.

"No. I have an idea." Said Parts. "To create his own universe, Sir will need to generate a large spark of energy to kick-start the process and to do that he's gonna have to have a pre-conceived universe to map it out into the real world."

"What are you suggesting?" asked Snot.

"We make our own universe." Proposed Parts.

"Are you insane in the mainframe?" asked The Commander. "We'll still destroy the real world."

"Look! We can't kill Sir and we can't destroy this place! The only hope we have is to beat him at his own game!" rationalised Parts. "Besides, it's either we save one universe...or he destroys them all." All three stood in silence, realizing the gravity of the situation and the meaning of what they were doing. Then they heard the sound of running footsteps and laboured breathing from outside. They turned to see Phill run through the double doors and lock them tight. He joined his squad, huffing his lungs out.

"Yo." He wheezed.

"What happened?" asked The Commander.

"Set off an Emp. We crashed."

"How did you survive?" asked Snot.

"Combat roll. What's up?"

"We're gonna create our own universe." Explained Parts bluntly.

"Sweet." Breathed Phill. "You got a universe in mind?"

"Oh, yes." Said The Commander. "Parts, order up our home with a side of fries."

"Would you like mustard with that?" asked Parts.

"Just get on with it!"

"Right. Sorry." Parts typed on the console. "Package is on its way."

"How's she lookin'?" asked The Commander.

"She's suffered minor code damage." He pulled an image of Blood Gulch up on the screen. "Huh, actually looks more lifelike than before. Looks like a bit of an improvement. Corners are all smoothed out, grass is standing up. I could get used to this. The lighting for Red base looks _**hideous**_!" The loading bar filled. " Here! All I need to do is hook it up to the core and find out what the spark is that-Ooh. I know what Sir is going to use to begin his universe-creating-taking-over-thingy."

"What is it?" asked Phill, The Commander and Snot.

* * *

><p>Somewhere in another universe, there was a soldier. This was no ordinary soldier; he was an A.I. program encased inside a robotic body, but he didn't know that yet. He was also unaware of the presence of the ten megaton bomb in his chest. Even if he was, he still wouldn't have known that it wasn't any ordinary ten megaton bomb or the importance it had in events to come...<p>

* * *

><p>"Name! Name! Can you hear me? Talk to me-Wow, déjà vu." Enemy couldn't see a thing; wherever he was had nothing but darkness inside. The last thing he remembered was a bright light and then a dark light. He thought about that for a moment before he heard a click. A small lamp turned on and Enemy saw someone standing there. "Argh! Who are you? Identify yourself!"<p>

Name sighed. Of all the five people who could have been trapped in here with him, it had to be Enemy. Why couldn't it be The Commander or the one who complains a lot? You know, the rest of them. Even Parts would have been preferred, but no! It had to be this douche.

"Hey buddy. You should've said something, I could have shot you."

'Yeah. Right.' Thought Name, rolling his eyes.

"Where do you think we are?" asked Enemy. They looked around them; what was illuminated by the light was junk. It was piled on cabinets or just thrown into piles on the floor. In fact, they were both knee deep in it. "You don't think that...we've been...recycled?" Enemy said, whispering that last 'recycled'.

Name couldn't understand why he was whispering so he decided to check if there was a main light switch on the nearby wall. There was; it was a thin cord. He pulled it and the ceiling groaned. Beam after beam of bright light streamed down from above, revealing the true size of the room which was massive. It was laden with unused machinery, props and plants, creatures and scenery. There were actual pieces of weather in large glass jars on high shelves. They walked through the isles, like they were in a shopping centre, swearing under their breaths at the amazing things they found. Eventually, they found the front door; a large, round, steel bulkhead. Unfortunately;

"It's locked." Said Enemy, depressed. "We'll never be able to break through this in time. What's say you and me light a stoogie to the end of the world, right? Name?" Enemy turned around but Name wasn't there. "Where'd ya get to?" Enemy searched everywhere until he finally found Name in a section marked 'Vehicles', arms folded and staring impressively at something. "What are ya lookin' a-Whoa. Now that is a sight for sore eyes."

* * *

><p>Parts had never worked this hard in his life. Also, he had never done something this difficult. It was a real race against time for him; with the ultimate consequence for failure. "Snot." He said to his Green friend. "You still good for your part?"<p>

"I guess." Mumbled Snot. "Except for one thing; what do I do?"

"When we're ready, all you have to do is stand on that platform there," he pointed to a square plate in the floor, "and the core will do the rest."

"I've been thinking about this." Said Phill. "And what happens to us?"

"Yeah." Agreed The Commander. "I mean, I'm all up for sacrifice and that shit, but if there's even a remote possibility of having a hope in a dream of a way of getting us out of this alive, then I'd like to take it."

"As long as we're all standing on that platform then we should be good." Assured Parts. "Trust me, I'm a mechanic. I'm also a qualified little league coach."

"_Useless!"_ shouted Sir from above. Parts quickly closed the roof doors, sealing them in from the outside. _"No matter how hard you try, you cannot get rid of me."_

"Well, I'm really hard right now!" argued Parts.

"Ignore him." Said The Commander. "Your plan is a shambles. We've got our own solution to the problem and _**you**_ can't stop _**us**_! Ha! The tables have turned and now you gotta pick up the check!"

"_I may not be able to break through your defences," _Sir continued through the intercom,_ "but I know others who can."_

"Yeah? You and your army of floating circles? I've eaten rancid cheerio's that gave me more grief than them!"

"_You think that __**I**__ am the only one who wouldn't pass up the opportunity to rule over all of creation? You may have the better of me now, but let's see how you __**soldiers**__ defeat me while keeping every other being alive from using that power for themselves!" _The intercom buzzed off. The four soldiers stood in a horror-filled silence.

"Finally." Said The Commander. "And I was afraid I wouldn't get to kick a lot of arse today."

Outside, atop the tallest spire of Server City, Sir began a broadcast to every world that had not yet been engulfed by light. _"Attention every world that has not yet been engulfed by light. No doubt you have all noticed the changes going on in your worlds; the strange creatures that do not belong, the cracks in the fabric of space/time and the doors to nowhere and everywhere. I can then assume that all of you have been enlightened enough to assume that this is a sign of the end of the world, which is true for you, it really is...but what if I were to tell you that it was also the opportunity for another beginning? All you have to do is follow the signal and kill anyone who stands in your way."_ Transmission was cut.

"Well, _**that **_was a little eerie." Commented Snot to the other Greens who had also heard the broadcast.

"_Oh, and could the owner of the burnt out Nissan Micra please report to the front desk. You are illegally parked in a loading area. Thank you." _Transmission was cut...again.

"Did everyone hear that?" asked The Commander.

"Yes. Except-No. No, ours didn't." answered Parts. "It's in containment. At least we won't have to fight ourselves."

"Good. You two stay here while Phill and I check out the perimeter." Ordered The Commander. "You hear us dying, you get your butts out of this universe without us. Understand?" Snot stepped forward.

"But I want to fight with you." He said earnestly.

"No! You're too valuable. I never thought the words would come out of my mouth, but there they are and there's nothing you, or I, unfortunately, can do about it. Capiche?"

Snot sighed; "Capiche." He looked down at the ground, a sadness overwhelmed him. For the first time, he was upset that death was so close. A hand touched his shoulder. He looked up to find The Commander a little closer.

"On your feet, soldier." Snot pulled his head up, rolling his neck back. "Friend." The Commander looked around at Parts and Phill. "All of you. It's a shame I will never get the chance to tell Enemy and Name this, but you've all grown on me. Despite everything you all do, I feel privileged to call you my friends." Parts sniffled, he was crying inside his suit. Now he was worried about getting wrinkles in his armour. Phill stood tall himself, clearing his throat.

"I feel privileged for you to call me a friend." He said.

"Liar." The Commander pulled himself together. "Enough of this sentimental crap. We've got an infinite amount of people to kill, and today is a good day for them to die."

* * *

><p>"Did you mean everything you said back there, sir?" asked Phill.<p>

"Of course I did." Answered The Commander. "Except for that bit about the killing."

"What? We won't kill any of them?"

"Kill; yes. Them; no."

"...But you think we'll come out of this, right?"

"Oh no, we're most certainly dead. I'm no mathematician, in fact I flunked math several times on purpose because even I knew it was a waste of time to even try to learn, but I know a hundred per cent chance of certain death when I see one."

"Okay then." Phill paused. "So..." he began. "Y-H-What's our defensive plan?"

"Simple. This main road bottlenecks them into this chamber here." He indicated, walking through the large spherical hall complete with pillars of varying sizes. "We'll make our stand here where there is a clear line of fire. If we have to fall back, then we block this hall off by bringing down the pillars."

"Brilliant." Nodded Phill. "With what?"

"I don't know." Thought The Commander. "I was thinking we might be able to push one down before we're horribly slaughtered, but I hadn't put much thought into it."

"Don't we have a bulldozer?" asked Phill.

"No."

"C-Four?"

"Nope."

"A rope and a winch?"

"Uh-uh."

"What about the leftover Emp grenades? Will they do?"

The Commander scoffed; "About as much effect as putting steroids in a dyke. What the hell's wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry." Apologised Phill sarcastically. "I get a little nervous before certain death!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah!" They folded their arms and turned away from each other.

"I'll miss you." The Commander said angrily.

"I'll miss you more, ya bastard." Returned Phill.

"The hell you will!" The conversation ended right there. A loud crash rang out in the distance and lightning struck the sky. A black mist descended the far rise outside the city. It wasn't long before it dawned on the Greens that the fog was in fact the infinite army. "How many clips you got?" asked The Commander.

"Not much. Six, including the one already in here." Answered Phill. "You?"

"I got plenty, 'bout twelve dozen."

"How'd you manage that?"

"I always keep a few spares hidden in my anus." Informed The Commander. They both looked at each other. "You wanna grab a few?"

"No, I'm good." The crowd was growing, still flowing from over the rise and showing no sign of dwindling.

"Parts, what are we lookin' at here?" asked The Commander.

"_I'm reading Storm Troopers, robots, treasure hunters, wizards, monsters, aliens...and an infinite amount of zombies from the Call of Duty universe."_

"I knew this would come in handy." Said The Commander, holding his shotgun in one hand and rifle in the other. "Let's get bloody."

"Hey, is it too much to ask for just one fucking one-liner?" complained Phill.

"Yes." The Commander returned to Parts. "Activate Server defences."

Atop the mighty structure, large turrets lowered themselves below the data cloud above. Taking aim, they fired beam after beam of burning laser at the attacking mob, smouldering them. Even though it cut clean through them, it wasn't enough to make a dent. The army approached the golden gates and began ramming it down. That is, until a giant wall that was on fire and in the shape of a man smashed the creatures of many sorts to the ground.** "Finally!"** he roared. **"Something the fuck to do!"** Suddenly, Sir flew inside the city, into the hall and stopped in front of The Commander and Phill.

"_What is the point of it all? This won't stop us forever!"_ he teased, an image of a tongue appearing on his screen.

"Oh yeah?" Phill smiled. "'Cos we had a chat with some of your co-workers and they didn't like the conditions of their service under your rule."

"_What co-workers?"_

"Sick 'em, boys." Dozens of Nortons leapt from their hiding places and zoomed across the room, ramming themselves into Sir.

"_**Charge!"**_ they buzzed, chasing Sir out of the hall. Suddenly, the golden gates were slammed open, smashed to the floor. The army charged down the main road towards Server Tower where the Greens were in wait. The first wave: zombies. Phill and The Commander opened fire, cutting them down, making a pile of dead bodies.

"Damn." Said Phill. "If they're this easy, we might as well use 'em to block the d-" A zombie tackled Phill to the ground.

"See!" shouted The Commander. "That's why you need to shut the hell up and pay att-" A zombie scratched him on the helmet. "Come here you son of a bitch!" He kicked the zombie in the groin. "That's what you get for interrupting a superior officer."

* * *

><p>Parts was flying through the codes, knowing that if he stopped for just one moment that this would have all been in vain. "The download on our end is almost complete. Sir will need a few more minutes than us so we should be fine." He informed Snot who was sitting, bored, listening to the sound of battle outside.<p>

"Great." He said.

"_Hello Snot."_ Greeted Sir. _"I thought we should have a little chat."_

"Don't listen-"

"_I was talking to Snot, so button it!" _shouted Sir. _"From the moment you were created, your programming has always had a self-destructive nature. You have always wanted to kill yourself, to die. Look at what you're doing; saving the world. No, saving yourself. How can you deny your own impulses? Deny yourself the peace you truly deserve? You have never been in a better position to end it all and you're wasting it. That is truly pathetic! Don't disappoint your code, don't disappoint yourself! What's it to be?"_ Snot considered everything Sir had to say. It made a lot of sense, he had to admit that. He would be denying himself the one thing he had always wanted, and for what? The people who ignored him all his life, the people who judged him and drove him to this place in life. He had made his decision.

"All my life" he began, "I've wanted to die," he continued, "but all this time," he paused, "I've never really lived have I?"

"_What are you saying?"_ asked Sir.

"In short: Go fuck yourself."

* * *

><p>The battle had been going on for a while and the offence had grown in variety. The zombies now had bombs strapped to their chests, there were medieval soldiers, orcs, trolls and mythical creatures. The Commander was having fun, still with plenty of ammo left. Phill was almost out and was relying on his poor hand-to-hand combat skills for survival. The group of giant killer spiders up ahead might be a bit too much of a match for him. "Parts!" shouted Phill. "How much time?"<p>

"_Ow!" _yelped Parts._ "You don't have to yell; I can hear you perfectly."_

"Just tell me!"

"_Minutes! A few lousy minutes!"_

"We'll be dead in a few lousy minutes!" This was even more apparent when Phill found himself and The Commander fighting back to back. "I have enjoyed serving with you, sir!" he said. "Well, except for every combat situation, every training session, every meal, every time."

"The feeling is somewhat mutual." The Commander head-butted a bear in the nose. A large shadow passed from overhead. Phill and The Commander looked up and saw a humungous daddy long legs spider striding above them; its abdomen opening up and releasing giant ants, spiders and wasps to attack. "Is it just me or does this fight seem incredibly one-sided?" Just then, rock music blared over the radios, deafening The Commander and Phill. The radio transmission was so strong that the music was playing through the Server's speaker system and over the battlefield. "What in Albuquerque is broadcasting that music?"

"_Yee-haw!" _rooted a familiar voice.

"It can't be." Breathed Phill. In fact, it was.

Two high beams shone over the rise far away. Following the beams was a jeep and mounted on that jeep was Name. In the driver's seat was Enemy, ploughing through everything that stood in his way.

"_Look who it is! It's Green Army!"_ taunted Enemy over the com. He swerved to avoid the laser turret fire, aimed between the giant's legs and made for the gates. He looked in the review mirror to see several dragons sky bombing the jeep. "Light 'em up!"

Name swivelled his rocket turret around and opened fire on the flying lizards. He was loving this; it was the kind of action he had been waiting for all these months. All his life, as it turns out. The rocket launcher was doing so well that roast dragon fell from the sky. No more human tonight.

"Big momma, big daddy! Take him out!" signalled Enemy, pointing at the giant spider closing in on Server Tower.

Name fired up into its weak spot; the rear.

"Yeah!" whooped Enemy. "Take that! Take some of my hot lead up your arse!" Enemy paused. Had he just said what he thought he'd just said? He turned to Name who had stopped firing and was giving him a look which told him that he did. "Oh God! Did I seriously just say that? Fuck you, Parts!"

"_Well, somebody's gotta do it!"_

"Shut up!" They zoomed through the broken gates, billowing bad guys off their windshield as they went. From out of nowhere, a huge jumping spider leapt onto the side of the jeep, its legs getting tangled under the wheels. It sent the jeep into a roll, crushing the spider and subsequent creatures of all ages. Phill and The Commander closed their eyes as the jeep barrelled towards them, slowed down, leaned precariously over them then landed right side up in front of them. Name was pretty much intact, but Enemy was clearly soiled. "We miss the party?" he asked, out of breath.

"Not if you brought some more booze." Said The Commander.

"Oh, then these should help." Enemy turned to Name who chucked The Commander a Gatling gun and Phill a flamethrower. Enemy took Name's position at the turret.

"What are you using?" Phill asked Name.

Name crushed his fist in his hand.

"I didn't need words to figure that one out." Said The Commander. He and Phill took their positions in front of the jeep, Enemy swivelled around to face the attacking horde.

"Pick your shots, gents." Said Enemy.

"Oh, come on! You too?" complained Phill. They opened fire, mowing down the opposition. The survivors were beaten to a pulp by Name; kicking arse in every sense of the word. Phill was attacked by a swarm of giant wasps, barbequing them into a nice roast. The Commander tore a line of killer robots to shreds. Enemy blasted the hell out of everything else. A giant lava monster bashed its way through the arch, growling at its prey, even taking swings at the other creatures around it. Phill jumped into action. "I'll take care of this guy!" he pulled the trigger...but nothing happened. "Jammed." The monster took a swing at Phill, just missing him by inches. It bashed the ground, narrowly missing Phill as he jumped back and forth.

"Get down!" shouted The Commander from behind. Phill ducked and wondered why he had done this. The Commander grabbed his shotgun and swung it into the gas tank attached to Phill's back. The tank ruptured, flying off Phill and landing inside the creature's mouth. Long story short; its head blew up.

"I don't think we can hold this place for much longer!" shouted Enemy. "I can see a line full of ice-cream soldiers and I don't even know what the fuck they're from!"

"_Hey guys." _Said Parts. _"We're ready!"_

"How's that for good timing! Roger that!" The Commander shot his last bullet and threw down the gun. "Fall back! We're getting outta here!"

* * *

><p>Parts moved Snot into position. "Just stand right there. It'll only take a second, but don't move." He started typing into the console again. Snot was worried. He got worried whenever Parts was using a computer. He had no idea what the hell that guy was doing.<p>

"This isn't going to hurt, is it?" he asked tentatively.

"No." assured Parts. "I'll be perfectly fine."

"Okay." Said a reassured Snot. "What exactly are our chances of survival in this thing?"

"Umm, taking in all the factors...naught point three per cent." Answered Parts. "Just don't tell the others. Ignorance is bliss and all that."

"Yeah."

"That's the same policy I use for my dates."

"Yeah. Uh, what?"

* * *

><p>The retreat had begun but there was one thing left to do. "Hey Enemy!" called Phill. "Bring down the house!" Enemy looked at the pillars supporting the roof, then at the army, then at the pillars again. He got the message. With one final heave, he pulled the launcher from left to right and shot down the load bearing supports. The entire room began to shake and the roof would be soon to follow.<p>

"Do-Argh!" screamed Enemy as a sniper bullet struck his chest. Another bullet went through his leg and sent him falling off the back of the jeep.

Name saw his fallen friend. It didn't matter anymore if he hated the guy; he was a friend. Name fought his way over to Enemy and picked him up, helping him towards the Server chamber.

Phill shot as many people off Name's back as he could. An alien appeared out of nowhere and sliced his shoulder, but three bullets to the face soon sorted that out. He looked up at the ceiling as it cracked and rumbled. "Haul your arse, Name!"

Name was dragging as fast as he could, but Enemy was just so damn heavy. As the debris fell around them, one last shot rang out, this time hitting Name right in the thigh. He collapsed under the pressure, Enemy toppling down next to him. Phill took Enemy while Name limped his way through the door being held open by The Commander.

"Come on, we don't have much time!" shouted The Commander. "I'll close the door." Parts finished his work and a cube of light and numbers formed itself around Snot.

"Remember; don't move." He reminded Snot. The Commander began pushing the door closed when a spear cut straight through his torso. With one last burst of strength, he slammed the door shut, snapping the spear in half and forcing the locks on the door. Phill looked back and saw The Commander sinking down to the floor. He threw Enemy off his shoulder.

"Ow!" complained Enemy.

"Parts! Help these guys!" ordered Phill, running back for The Commander. Parts pranced up to Enemy.

"Need some help? Where do you want me to hold you?" he asked.

"Uh...never mind. I'm a little better now." Gurgled Enemy, struggling to his feet and waddling into the cube. Parts turned to Name.

Name shook his head and waved his arm in an 'I feel fine, go away' motion and followed Enemy into the cube with a disappointed Parts not far behind.

Phill knelt down to The Commander, the blood dripping from his armour and the spear still protruding from the wound. "Did you want me to leave you behind again, sir?" he asked.

"Fuck no!" shouted The Commander. Phill grabbed The Commander's armour at the back and dragged him towards the cube. The door rattled and crashed from the other side. The Commander pulled out his shotgun, ready for any close encounters. CRASH! From above, Sir crashed through the roof and landed, drained of power, on the walkway having used all his energy to get inside. Phill pulled The Commander along a little faster as the lights inside Sir began to flicker into life.

"_I won't l-l-let you get away with this."_ He glitched. _"This is __**my**__ destiny."_ Still only half repaired, Sir picked himself up off the ground and levitated his way towards Phill and The Commander. Bang! Sir got a face full of shotgun, his screen now with more holes than Swiss cheese. Bang! Another shot. Bang! Pieces were falling off Sir, even he was having trouble keeping airborne. Bang! Phill finally pulled himself and The Commander into the cube. _"What gives you the right," _he began, pushing himself up to the cube,_ "to deny me my future?"_ asked Sir.

"_**Universal conversion charge in five, four..." **_began the computer.

"We aren't." said Phill.

"_**Three..."**_

"As far as I understand it..."

"_**Two..."**_

"...we..."

"_**One..."**_

"...are denying you your existence."

"_**Detonation. Thank you for using the F.Y.L.S.S. program. Have a nice death."**_

* * *

><p>The sun was blazing high in the clear blue sky. It was a picture of perfect weather, but where was the weather? The only point of reference available was the sun, and the Halo in the sky. They couldn't see anything over these canyon walls. Perhaps someone at these Red and Blue bases knew where they were. Believe it or not, it actually took them another ten minutes before it dawned on them that this was Blood Gulch. Big shock there. "Wow." Awed Enemy, taking in the surroundings. "This place really has changed."<p>

Name nodded.

"Looks great." Complimented Phill.

"That code degradation just took years off it." Said Parts.

"I can't believe it's the same place." Said Snot.

"Yeah." Agreed The Commander. "Stull a fucking dump, though." Everyone made noises of agreement. "Looks like we pulled it off. We saved the universe."

"Actually, we killed a whole bunch of other universes." Corrected Enemy.

"Pessimist." Spat The Commander. "At least we saved this one and that's enough."

"So, what are we now?" Phill asked Parts.

"I think we're just regular old time paradoxes now." He answered. "We can only exist in this canyon for as long as the Reds and Blues aren't here. That could be weeks, months or years before they come back but when they do...we won't exist anymore." A solemn silence fell over the Greens. The idea of death, after everything they had been through, it just seemed like the most depressing award for someone to get.

"That's downright depressing." Said Snot.

"I thought you'd be happy that you could die." Said Enemy.

"Change of heart." Explained Snot. "I have a new outlook on life."

"As do we all." Agreed Phill.

"So, who wants to play strip poker until we go?" asked Parts who was met with noises of disapproval all around. "Come on! Strip monopoly?"

"No, Parts." Said Phill.

"Strip Twister?"

"Stop it!"

"Hey Name!" interrupted Enemy. "Your helmet. The speech unit looks like it's been repaired."

Enemy was right; his speech unit was all better. He'd been wondering what that extra symbol on his visor readout meant.

"Go on." Encouraged Phill. Everyone was staring eagerly at Name to hear his first words. These people, this family. Name opened his mouth and said;

"..." Silence. No one spoke for there was no longer anyone in the canyon. They were gone...

* * *

><p>"Just a little further, guys." Said Simmons, directing the Reds through the cave, even though Grif was ahead of him.<p>

"You stole that thing all by yourself?" Sarge asked in astonishment, looking at Donut's strange purple flying machine which he had taken from O'Malley. Or Doc. Or whoever. It was hard to keep track these days.

"Yep and then I ran over the guy that was chasing us...and a few other innocent pedestrians!" Hammed Donut. The guy hadn't exactly been 'chasing them' as much as he had been 'moving at a slow pace towards them'.

"I'm so proud of you." Sniffed Sarge, buying every word.

"Hyeah, stealing and killing are a huge rush." Donut said, surprised. "I should have started at a much younger age. I caught the fever!"

Simmons didn't want to hear what followed, so he said "Okay," just to interrupt them, then followed with this as they left the cave; "the source of the distress signal is just outside thi-crap." He saw what lay in wait outside the cave. So did Grif, standing on a precipice overlooking Blood Gulch.

"NOOOOOOO-O-OOOOOOO-O-OOOOOOO! This sucks."

* * *

><p><strong>Finished.<strong>

**Thank you for reading the final story ever of Red vs. Blue vs. Green. I know that there was never any actual versing between the individual colours, but hey, I liked the title.**

**It won't be easy getting over not having to write these characters ever again, but at least they will always be here for you as well as me. Once again, thanks for reading and don't forget to review!**

**But wait, there's more...**

* * *

><p>Long before the Greens arrived, before Red vs. Blue, before Freelancer and not long before the HumanCovenant war on a small blue/green planet called Earth was a beach. On this beach was a man who had long contemplated his meaning in life. Today, he had found that meaning. Washed up on the shore of the beach, he had found something caught in the sand. It looked like a piece of a television screen, but the lights flickering inside drew his attention to the alien technology still active without power. _"I..."_ it crackled, trying to speak. _"I need..."_ It was alive, but not for much longer. The lights inside the strange contraption blinked and the machine died. The man picked it up in his hand as though he were picking up his own future. For this is what he truly was carrying now; the future!

* * *

><p><strong>The End? Not bloody likely!<strong>


End file.
